壓力鍋中的性與愛

香港人的生活壓力大, 由三歲至八十歲, 人人皆知! 可能因為壓力大, 亦培養出香港人的特出之處: “轉彎快, 效率高, 夠勤力!” 但在工作及家庭上的 “轉彎快, 效率高, 夠勤力!” 可能做就了 “有開工, 無收工!” 的生活模式. 亦可能是另一個 “雞先或蛋先” 的問題 (暫且放下)!

2003年由香港家庭計劃指導會進行的調查表示, 隨著結婚年期增加，男性對性生活的滿意程度初期是逐年下降，結婚年期10~14年間跌至最低點，然後逐漸回升；而女性對性生活的滿意程度則平穩地逐年減少。無論對性生活的興趣或滿意程度上，男性都整體上較女性為高。調查亦發現不利於夫妻間性生活的最主要因素是工作壓力、經濟壓力及跟孩子同住一室。

地方狹小 與孩子同住一室

孩子需要不少的空間及關注, 父母在家時的空間及互相的關注亦相對減少. 其次, 父母可能不習慣 “閂房門”, 亦令維繫夫妻親密有一定的困難. 另外, 筆者亦見過不少家庭, 母親與孩子同床, 而父親則獨自而睡. 如果長此下去, 對有愛才有性的一方更難有滿意的性接觸, 始對有性才有愛的一方更難上加難!

為何身處壓力鍋中還要談性與愛?

誘因是性與愛可以是緊張生活的潤滑劑! 以及, 一般孩子是十分滿意父母之間表現親密及愛, 這些溫馨感, 會大大增加孩子的安全感及自信!

性與愛 兒童不宜?

父母的性交場面, 絕對是兒童不宜! 有如父母之間的衝突, 亦屬兒童不宜. 但父母之間有意無意的冷語, 沖口而出的惡言, 雖然不宜, 但難以完全避免. 反之, 父母之間的親密行為, 拍拖, 親吻及擁抱等, 是可以在 “家長指引” 下進行. 指引包括, 從中引導出, 父母之間愛的表現, 與母子之間, 父子之間, 手足之間及朋友之間的愛的分別! 愛是老少咸宜的, 成長於有愛的家庭中的孩子, 更懂得愛自己及別人!

營造親密感

地方細細, 加點智慧, 亦有無盡可能!

(一)    做一些平時少做的事情: 增加視覺, 聽覺, 味覺或嗅覺的刺激! 可能是為對方準備晚餐 (包括善後工作), 主動親吻, 提議不同的性交姿勢等等! 大前提是 “想對方開心及為對方著想!”

(二)    親密不只在床上: 一個溫柔的親吻及擁抱, 小小的耳語, 拖手, 微笑, 鬼臉也能表達出愛意. 如果孩子看了, 父母亦可以籍此教導孩子, 父母的親密!

(三)    我有我天地: 定時有閂房門的習慣, 相擁而睡, 床上談情等, 而孩子可以學習獨處及敲門等生活習慣及禮儀.

(四)    為對方按摩 可能勝過性交: 工作加上照顧孩子, 身體長時間的繃緊, 令人疲倦, 而按摩可以為對方提供身心的潤澤.

優先次序

父母多以孩子為先, 自己的需要則放在後. 但不要忘記, 父母要有力, 才能為孩子給力! 父母之間有快樂, 較容易為孩子帶來快樂! 而重點是, 父母二人從中得到共識!

定期檢討及改善

沒有一本通書讀到老, 當發現有不足之處時, 可以自我檢討或與對方分享, 從中找出改善之處! 更要作出行動!

撰文：香港性教育、研究及治療專業協會註冊性教育家, 婚姻及家庭治療師神谷欣

<父母如何向孩子灌輸性教育>

Am I watching too much porn?

Using porn is very common among single or even a person in a relationship. it's full of sexual fantasy, and giving you a lot of control in your fantasy.

However, the downside is when the fantasy is so private and unrealistic, you would enjoy being yourself instead of engaging into a relationship. The fact is relationship is more like a 2-way-track, but using porn is more or less a 1-way-track.

If you only can deal with the porn, the real relation would become too complicated for you.

If you find it's what happening to you and it's affecting your daily life, seek for professional help and don't hesitate.

Best Regards,

Lilac

....

Am I watching too much porn?
by Pamela Stephenson Connolly

I think what you are really worried about is your erotic style, advises Pamela Stephenson Connolly

I'm 35, recently single, but meeting new people for sex and also to see if any of that leads anywhere with someone nice. I use porn daily, mainly to look at things I don't do in my sex life, but possibly would like to try with the right person. Nothing very extreme, but certainly not things I'd want found on my hard drive should I get hit by a bus. Apart from spending 40 minutes a day watching porn it's not affecting any other aspect of my life; if I'm busy with other things I don't miss it. But is there such a thing as too much?

For you, "too much" seems less of an issue than the fact that you seem conflicted about your erotic style. You indicate that sex is more important to you than having a settled relationship, and that you use sex as a means of connecting with others, but there is some wistfulness in your words.

You are strongly focused on "different" types of play, but it seems you do not hold out much hope that you will ever find someone "nice" with similar sexual tastes. However, if what takes your fancy is safe, sane and consensual, you could reasonably expect there will be a like-minded partner for you who is also a decent person. Human beings are multifaceted and a wonderfully wicked erotic sensibility can lurk behind the most wholesome personality.

The trick is to accept your own sexual desires and regard anyone who shares them as also worthy of your respect – perhaps even of your love.

• Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.

研究：淋病具抗藥性

研究：淋病具抗藥性
20110711

【明報專訊】瑞典一個病理研究機構，昨於加拿大舉行的第19屆國際性病研究協會大會發表研究報告，第一次確認有淋病病菌對抗生素呈抗藥性，並擔憂該類型病菌會迅速大幅度擴散。

瑞典研究機構「Swedish Reference Laboratory for Pathogenic Neisseria」在報告中指出，自1940年代起，抗生素一直作為治理淋病的標準療程，而病菌已於過去展示強大的對抗機制，故此新發現雖然令人擔憂，但不感意外。

如無新藥物療法 病菌擴散快

研究表示仍未知該類型病菌是否已大幅擴散，但根據過往經驗，除非能迅速研發出新藥物及療法，否則具抗藥性的病菌往往能快速擴散。

據美國疾病預防中心建議，現時治療淋病的抗生素為Cefixime及Azithromycin。中心並指美國全國約有70萬人感染淋病。美國國立衛生研究院表示淋病可經任何性接觸傳播，擁有多名性伴侶及進行不安全性行為的人士為高危群體。

皮膚專科醫生史泰祖指出，在港因淋病求診的病人數字遠較10年前少，相對其他類型性病已較容易處理。他又稱，對抗淋病應以預防為主，建議使用安全套及避免濫交。