The inside track . . . Coping with anxiety

It's a very simple and useful article to understand and deal with stress.

In some relationships may stress you a lot, if it happened in your intimate relationship, unfortunately, some people choose to leave the stress source. But still some people choose to stay.

Whatever you choose to stay or leave, understanding your stress would help you to deal with it in the future.

1. Differentiation: what you can control from what you can't
2. Identification: Is it one particular thing? Or is it an accumulation of things?
3. List out: What you can you do something about
4. Focus all of your efforts on managing the sources of your worry that you can control
5. Acceptance: being open and accept the situation and limitation
6. Understand the underneath issue why you can't accept and deal with it

- Lilac

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The inside track . . . Coping with anxiety
by Leo Benedictus

Chartered psychologist Dr Dominic Micklewright advises on strategies for dealing with anxiety

I am a lecturer in sports and exercise psychology so I often deal with anxiety in my research with athletes. Indeed, most people experience anxiety at some time or another.

My tip, if you are feeling anxious, is to differentiate what you can control from what you can't. The first step is to identify the source. Is it one particular thing? Or is it an accumulation of things? In which case, make a list of those things and work out which you can you do something about. Focus all of your efforts on managing the sources of your worry that you can control.

Most people don't have that distinction clear in their mind, so things they can't control become a big source of anxiety. Dealing with this can be very important for people's mental health.

Then try simply to accept the uncontrollable sources of anxiety in your mind. Some people might be worried about the weather on a big day, an accident or an attack on the train, or perhaps just things that other people are doing at work, none of which they can really have any influence over. The outcome may be very important, of course, but there is still no point in worrying. Acceptance is the key: acceptance that you can't control everything. Once you have that in your mind, it becomes easier not to worry.

If a particular situation, such as flying, is causing you to be anxious, try to expose yourself to it as often as possible so that you become familiar with it. Lots of anxiety interventions, such as cognitive behavioural therapy, also try to restructure the way that a person appraises the situation.

It is often helpful to think about yourself doing whatever it is – then close your eyes and visualise it going well. Go through a script of how that flight or job interview is going to unfold so that you become familiar with it.

This will help you get used to the idea that the thing you fear most is probably the least likely thing to happen.

Insomnia damages relationships, according to study

You may not have a good mood to deal with minor day-to-day things, once it accumulated, it can become harmful.

Next, less interest in sex. Sex can be an essential element in an intimate relationship. It can improve your relationship, otherwise, what's the different between a partner & roomate?

- Lilac

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Insomnia damages relationships, according to study

Lack of sleep needs to be treated as a major health issue, according to a report published by the Mental Health Foundation.

The Great British Sleep Report suggests a link between insomnia and poor relationships, low energy levels and an inability to concentrate.

Poor sleep has already been linked to depression, immune deficiency and heart disease.

The report calls for GPs to have more training to recognise the symptoms.

The number of adults suffering from insomnia in the UK has previously been estimated at around 30%.

Nearly 6,800 people took part in an online survey, believed to be the largest of its type in the UK, for this report.

'Poor sleep, poor health'

It was more likely to attract participants concerned about their sleep and is not representative of the whole of the UK.

However, it does show a gulf in the experiences of good sleepers and insomniacs.

It showed people with insomnia were four times as likely to have relationship problems, three times as likely to feel depressed and three times as likely to suffer from a lack of concentration.

Dr Dan Robotham, senior researcher at the Mental Health Foundation and lead author of the report, believes people can get stuck in a spiral where poor sleep leads to mental health problems which leads to even worse sleep.

He said: "It is crucial that people are aware of the effective ways of breaking that spiral by improving the quality of their sleep.

"Employers, schools and public health bodies also need to know how they can identify and support people suffering from sleep disorders."

Professor Colin Espie, director of the Glasgow University Sleep Centre, said: "We can no longer just ignore the impact of sleep problems in this country. They are affecting our health, our economy, and our everyday happiness."

老公性上癮 頂唔順要離婚

SEXUAL ADDICTION (性上癮)

 

It's a kind of Obsessive Compulsive Behaviour, OCB (強迫症), and it's nothing to do with addiction, but instead it's a type of OCB. Treatment of sexual addiction includes medical therapy and psychotherapy, let's focus on psychotherapy.

 

Whatever the person is in a relationship or not, seeking help from relationship/marital therapy would be more appropriate, it will help the couple to handle the situation instead of blaming the person is a "patient", and it would help the person to review the past experience of intimate relationship which didn't work out alright. Also, seeking sex therapy consultation would be useful for the person and the couple because the sexual myths and underneath beliefs would be reviewed and avoid unnecessary blaming and condemn.

 

Combination of medical treatment and psychotherapy would be most useful to the person and the couple, don't be hesitated and seek resources!

 

Lilac

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老公性上癮　頂唔順要離婚

2010年11月28日  (蘋果日報)

Tiger Woods聲稱自己是患上「性上癮」，所以「唔滾唔安樂」，需要接受治療云云。天下間的老婆不禁泛起一個疑問，「上癮」是否一種病，還是拈花野草的藉口？精神科醫生曾繁光指「性上癮」其實是強迫症的一種：「正如世上有工作狂、運動狂、愛情狂，又或者像我這想唔寫文章唔安樂，都是追求一種滿足而已。」也有人喜歡拔毛，把毛髮當郵票收集！但「性上癮」卻被標籤成禁忌，「（性上癮）為何不被接受？其實都是道德迫害。」患者的慾望不能自控，「如果他要做三次，只做了兩次都發病，手淫都無用，甚至會抑鬱，好痛苦 o架。」性上癮非常罕見，曾繁光說他行醫 20多年，而且專做性治療，也只是見過大約 5名患者。「正如食飯，人人胃口不同，有人一日一餐、有人一日十餐，性是為了開心愉快，食夠自然唔想再食。」但幾多才算「不合理地大食」？「年輕人性慾較強好正常。如果找到一個和你一樣癲的對手，其實沒有問題。如果影響到日常生活和情緒，甚至有犯罪傾向，就要尋求治療。」例如不能勃起都要做愛，影響身體機能；或者把所有工資都花在性工作者身上等。治療方法不外乎是用藥物，或用其他活動試圖分散注意力。而藥物的劑量會比正常多，應由專科醫生處理。但最重要還是與伴侶或配偶達成共識：「兩個人的關係，一是接受一是離開，試試提升伴侶的接受程度。有些人甚至容許另一半與別人搞，甚麼可能性都有，最重要是雙方舒服。」  

Work stress 工作壓力

今天和朋友談論起與老板相處的問題, 她是一位很有經驗和誠懇的員工, 所以她會了解公司的經營方式及財政狀況,及會為公司設想。她發現上司忽略發展新客戶,而只著重服務品質(product quality),此舉會公司不能有持續的發展,而公司亦有可能會賠本。

她不懂得如何令上司明白她的擔心,她曾用不同的暗示,但此舉卻惹來上司反感。

當她向我求救時,我一邊聽著她的描述,一邊在想像她上司的模樣。我感到她上司應是一個對工作有要求,有熱誠的人。但二人的溝通模式反(mode of communication)做成障礙(blockage),及影響對對方的信任。當我的腦袋想著不同的法子,衡量著那一個法子較合適她的處境。這當然是因情況而有所調整。

當我們談論過後,她對明天的工作再抱有信心,我也為她高興!

工作上充滿不同的壓力,有些是有形的(如qouta數,業績);有些是無形的(如同事上司間的氣氛及溝通)。我們如可以有效地處理工作上的壓力,不但可以令我們過得愉快點,更可以令我們的事業上更上一層樓!

Today I have talked to my friend about working with her boss, she is an experienced and sincere staff, she would think from the company's point of view. When she gets to know the business model and financial situation of the company, she worries about the development of the business. The reason is her boss put 100% energy on the product quality but 0% on marketing, or any means to increase the market share or profit.

She had shown her concern to her boss in a subtle way, however, her boss didn't get it and unfortunately, there were some misunderstandings there.

When I was listening to her story and situation, I don't see her boss is very stubborn or silly, instead, the boss is very smart. The thing is communication becomes very trickly sometimes when we have different concerns.

I had different ideas in my mind and I was choosing the best for her, as you know, things are similar but they are all different! After I share my idea with her, my friend understands underlining issue, I'm glad to see that she becomes confindent to face the difficult work.

Work stress is always with us, using the right way to tackle it would help us to have a better life, also we can reach a higher achievement than now!