Hey girls, safe sex with enjoyment!

Vending machine for flavored condoms and sex toy to enhance the excitement, very female approach to heterosexual activity. When will the company expand their business to homosexual activity?

Lilac Kamiya

Sexual Nature

In my daily routine, surfing on the internet, reading news and checking emails, for me to keep in touch with the outside world. Today, an exhibition "Sexual Nature" at the Natural History Museum, London caught my eyes, and I did a bit more searching and I found these video clips in Youtube which I would like to share with your, because I think they show the animal sexual life better than words.

You can follow the links below, and have further exploration:

Sexual Nature Exhibition:
http://www.nhm.ac.uk/visit-us/whats-on/temporary-exhibitions/sexual-nature/index.html

Male birds show off their beauty to attract females - David Attenborough - BBC wildlife:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gqsMTZQ-pmE&NR=1&feature=fvwp

Out in Nature: Homosexual Behavior in the Animal Kingdom (2 of 6)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yqBdD0NMeag

Hedgehog Mating Rituals - Attenborough - Life of Mammals - BBC:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btY-3ED__Vo

So, the sexual behaviour doesn't only carry the purpose of maintaining of the family line, but also keep the bonding/social network, sharing food/resources secure. Can the sciencetist tell us do they need solemate as a human being?

According to Wikipedia, soulmate is a "person with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, similarity, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, or compatibility."

I need a soulmate, luckily I got one who could share a lot of things with me physically, emotioanlly and spiritually. I would combine the sexuality and day-to-day-thing into the physical part (but the sexuality is not only come from the intimacy, it also can be seen seperately like gender preference, identity and sexual developement).

Anyway, how does sexual nature relate to us?

Learn from picok:-
- Self exploration & understanding: find out our beautiful side (sexually and non-sexually) and keep practising

"I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own."
Woody Allen

- Communication: learn how to show off our beauty in a decent way
- Never give up: identify the Mr. Mrs. Right and take ACTION
- Termination: learn how to reject

Learn from hedgehogs:-
- Safe sex: conscious and careful!

Learn from Bonobos:-
And being open to different perferance of sexuality, homosexual, heterosexual, bi-sexual, Elton John said,

"I think people should be free to engage in any sexual practices they choose; they should draw the line at goats though."

Some may say we are not just an animal, but I think from the similarity and differences, we can learn from them to improve our life.

Cheers!

His & Her Love

According to the selected article, could scientists help us to know the different between men and women love? How could we show our love in a more effective way?

Some people complain about they couldn't feel the love if they don't receive enough body contact, like holding hands, stroking, kissing etc. Some people complain about no being understood and cared.

But their partners usually confused about no able to deliver their love.

If we can easily say men's love and women's love, then men may able to receive and deliver love through simple and single skill. Such as they can get the love through cooking, watch movie, choosing & buying cellphone/computer stuff. And women can receive and deliver lover through talking & listening, feeling of togetherness, feeling of uniqueness.

But I think the society has already shaping us, boys and girls, what to behave and what should we expect. If our brain function gives us first degree of behaviour modification, then the society gives us second degree of modification.

Luckily, our individual mind may still able to have some adjustment, choose to do thinks that we prefer.

Think about what you really like and how much different from your partner.

Have a good day!

- Lilac

....
* Men & Women: differences *

Scientists have come to accept that a few fundamental differences between men and women are biological. It turns out that men's and women's brains, for example, are not only different, but the way we use them differs too. Women have larger connections and more frequent interaction between their brain's left and right hemispheres. This accounts for women's ability to have better verbal skills and intuition. Men, on the other hand, have greater brain hemisphere separation, which explains their skills for abstract reasoning and visual-spatial intelligence. Poet Robert Bly describes women's brains as a "superhighway" of connection while men's brains connections are compared to a "little crookedy country road.'"

All the above gets even more confusing, if we take into account that 15 to 20% of men happen to have a female type of brains, and about 10% of women have a male type of brains, which means that some percentage of men and women, no matter how small it seems, are partially programmed to the behavior and way of thinking of the opposite gender.

(Source: peoplerelationships.syl.com/battleofsexes/differences)

12 Tips Healthy sex in an intimate relationship

1. Couple can enjoy sex, with all the respects of the partner's body & mind, respect and acknowledge the worries
2. Know the different between making love (body & mind) and having sex (body)
3. Never use sex to earn love, it's not a trade
4. Understand the consequences of unprotected sex, and take precaution
5. Sometime, casual sex would make you feel bad afterwards, regret and disappointment

Winter tips:
6. Cold hands would terminate sexual desire
7. Keep warm, even though you know less cloth can give visual stimulation

Summer tips:
8. Be aware of sex hygiene, before and after wash is recommended

General tips:
9. Be aware of the sound proof of the place, you may not to wake your neighbour up
10. Long finger nails and bulky ring could be dangerous
11. Birth control pills may affect female sexual desire
12. Use condom properly

- Lilac

Casual dating among young people?

According to a research finding about Hong Kong teenager's view of
dating like "having fast food", (1) the whole cycle of dating from
getting start to end of the relationship could only take couple weeks
and (2) they also accept more than one partner at a time. It seems
people "worry" about their "concept" about intimacy and couple
relationship.

It's so common to have sexual relationship among young people or
teenagers, but parents may only ask them not having sex by saying
"Don't make the wrong step!" instead of teaching them do it in a
safe/less harm way. The reason is parents may worry about the
"education" may encourage them to have sex in their early age. If you
are a parent, please expend your way of thinking about safe/less harm
way, it's not only about using condom properly, or how important to be
a virgin (because they may not listen anyway) ! But we want to let
them know how important they are, and be responsible to the
consequences.

Help them to appreciate and respect themselves, body and mind! Not
being a virgin doesn't mean they are less good. Experience from a bad
relationship can help them to be smarter. Help them to understand
themselves and find a partner who suit him/her well which would be
very useful in a long run. Also, marriage is not the only one goal in
our life, it takes an important role, but it can't represent our whole
life!

Casual dating really can help us to learn about this in a "real life",
and we also learn how to take care the break-ups. This is something we
can't learn from lecturing. Also, teenager may not see marriage is
their ultimate of casual dating, maybe it's just part of their life as
a teenager. Also, their concept of marriage/love/relationship would be
quite different from you anyway, before you make judgement/lecturing,
why not understand their viewpoints first?

To all young people, struggle through the teenage time is not easy,
all the best!

- Lilac

Link of the research (Chinese only):
http://www.wenweipo.com/news_print.phtml?news_id=IN1102100051

Love Message

It seems it's easy to send love message, via email, SMS, Facebook, Twitter, etc. And you even don't need to write something serious, :* is kisses :) is your lovely smile, lol is you're so funny.

All the short terms and symbols help us to deliver our love message, but what's the underneath message you want to deliver?

I like being your partner (?)
You are so wonderful (?)
I just want to bonk you (!?)

Love and making love

Do they have to be related? Are they belong to a cause-and-effect relationship, but which way round? Will girl want to receive a love note which suggest bonking? How about guys?

We usually heard that guys are more interested in sex, even done studis support, but how much is about gender stereotype and social expectation, and how much is about hormones effect. But simply sexual attraction is basic thing happens among people.

Thus, my formulae is "Bonking =\= Making love"

Have a nice day.

- Lilac

Insomnia damages relationships, according to study

You may not have a good mood to deal with minor day-to-day things, once it accumulated, it can become harmful.

Next, less interest in sex. Sex can be an essential element in an intimate relationship. It can improve your relationship, otherwise, what's the different between a partner & roomate?

- Lilac

...
Insomnia damages relationships, according to study

Lack of sleep needs to be treated as a major health issue, according to a report published by the Mental Health Foundation.

The Great British Sleep Report suggests a link between insomnia and poor relationships, low energy levels and an inability to concentrate.

Poor sleep has already been linked to depression, immune deficiency and heart disease.

The report calls for GPs to have more training to recognise the symptoms.

The number of adults suffering from insomnia in the UK has previously been estimated at around 30%.

Nearly 6,800 people took part in an online survey, believed to be the largest of its type in the UK, for this report.

'Poor sleep, poor health'

It was more likely to attract participants concerned about their sleep and is not representative of the whole of the UK.

However, it does show a gulf in the experiences of good sleepers and insomniacs.

It showed people with insomnia were four times as likely to have relationship problems, three times as likely to feel depressed and three times as likely to suffer from a lack of concentration.

Dr Dan Robotham, senior researcher at the Mental Health Foundation and lead author of the report, believes people can get stuck in a spiral where poor sleep leads to mental health problems which leads to even worse sleep.

He said: "It is crucial that people are aware of the effective ways of breaking that spiral by improving the quality of their sleep.

"Employers, schools and public health bodies also need to know how they can identify and support people suffering from sleep disorders."

Professor Colin Espie, director of the Glasgow University Sleep Centre, said: "We can no longer just ignore the impact of sleep problems in this country. They are affecting our health, our economy, and our everyday happiness."

New generation of lovers

Using smartphones, net-games and social network website to meet friends, engage, and separation. It just likes meeting person in a coffee shop. When the love starts, still have the sweet and romance. When the love goes, you still get the pain and hurt.

- Lilac

Tiptoeing into love

Do you believe in falling in love in first-sight, or second-sight?

Did you ever try to change the partner/or yourself to fit into the relationship?

 

These may end up in tears if you always eager to get or jump into a relationship, any possibility may become a trap.

 

So, what is tiptoeing into love? Knowing the person by understanding and exploring his/her friend cycle, previous relationship experience (what & how things work and doesn't work), family relationship & duty, work attitude, financial situation (habit of expenses and saving). For example, you may want to know how did he/she treat the previous partner, what made them separate, would you share his/her view of dealing with family/work/friend/self issue. You may not need to ask how rich he/she is, but you can get some clues from their cloths, car, job, etc., but you may want to know their expending and saving habit, thus, you know will you need to share the financial burden later when he/she over spending.

 

Knowing a person in a multiple-direction may help you to get a stable relationship which is more fun and less stress!

 

Don't jumping into love!! Or maybe I'm too old and too conservative.

 

-Lilac

Sex & Happiness

I'm glad to see more study about human sexuality and happiness. Sex carries different meanings, such as sexual fulfillment and satisfaction, intimacy, focus, power, communication, pleasing, control, etc. It's all we can find in any intimate relationship. It also may mean it completes the interaction of intimate relation.

- Lilac

...
What's the connection between sex and happiness?
Barking up the wrong tree

Photo credit

This paper studies the empirical patterns in money, sex and happiness. Using 1990s data from the General Social Surveys of the United States, the paper shows that sexual activity enters strongly positively in happiness equations. We calculate that the median American has sexual intercourse 2-3 times a month. In our data, close to half of American women over the age of 40 report that they did not have sex in the previous year; the figure for men is 20%. Among Americans under 40 years of age, approximately 80% of women and 70% of men had no more than one sexual partner in the previous year. Sex appears to have stronger effects on the happiness of highly educated people than those with low levels of education. The happiness- maximizing number of sexual partners in the previous year is 1. Homosexuality has no statistically significant effect on happiness, but a strong positive effect on the reported amount of sexual activity. Married people have more sex than those who are single, divorced, widowed, or separated. Money buys more sexual partners but not more sex.

Source: "Money, Sex and Happiness: An Empirical Study" from Scandinavian Journal of Economics, 2004

禿頭 vs. 不舉 (Baldness drug Propecia 'risking men's sexual health')

Impotence and baldness are both attacking our self image and confidence! But if the baldness drug would take away your sexual life (lack of sexual drive & erectile dysfunction), then what will you choose? It seems the drug label claimed that the side effect will not continue after your stop the drug, but in some cases, IT IS NOT! And treatment on impotence made no difference on the problem. Please consult your GP before you take those drugs!

 

Lilac

--

Baldness drug Propecia 'risking men's sexual health'

 

By Simon Mundie

 

James says "all hell broke loose" after he stopped taking Propecia. Young men could be risking their sexual health by taking a commonly used anti-baldness drug, claim some doctors.

 

They say finasteride, sold in the UK as Propecia, can cause serious side effects and isn't adequately labelled.

 

A quarter of men in their 20s show signs of male pattern baldness, with six and a half million males in the UK affected.

 

Propecia manufacturer Merck says it continually monitors the drug's safety and has updated the label.

 

James, 26, from Edinburgh suffered side effects after using the drug.

 

"I noticed hair loss, hair coming out in the shower and on the pillow, and I freaked out basically.

 

"I went onto the internet and researched it. I found out there was a drug called Propecia, and soon enough I started buying that and it worked a treat."

 

The prescription pill is extremely effective at stopping hair loss and in clinical trials nine out of 10 men didn't lose any more hair over a five year period.

 

Drugs' company Merck, which manufactures Propecia, claims on its website that less than 2% of men could suffer sexual side effects.

 

'Completely impotent'

 

It mentions things like difficulty achieving an erection, but says the problems will go away for men who stop taking the drug.

 

For James, that was when the problems started. He'd stopped taking the drug after noticing he had less interest in sex - but he says things soon got worse.

 

"After about three weeks all hell broke loose. I more or less became completely impotent."

 

After about three weeks all hell broke loose... It did work well for my hair, but the cost is ridiculous - losing my sex-life

 

He went to see a specialist a few months later.

 

"He put me on testosterone therapy, which is a lifelong commitment", says James.

 

"Unfortunately that didn't work either. I went back to him six months later and he offered me the chance of a penile implant."

 

There are doctors in Ireland and the US who claim cases like James's aren't unusual and that the drug's labelling is inadequate.

 

Merck say they continually monitor its safety and have recently changed the labelling after reports of sexual side effects continuing after people had stopped taking the drug.

 

They also claim those cases are extremely rare and could be caused by something other than Propecia itself.

 

But James is convinced it was his decision to take the drug that caused his problem.

 

"Every day I wish could turn back the clock.

 

"It did work well for my hair, but the cost is ridiculous - losing my sex-life.

 

"It's happening to lots and lots of men- and it's about time people woke up to it."

 

 

Do status expectations affect how we interpret interruption in conversation?

For Chinese, interruption in conversation is impolite, not respecting others, but it's so common in our daily dialogue with fellows, friends, family, and etc.

I guess you may experience that when you were talking to somebody and you ways can't finish your sentence or idea, it may bring you headache if you need him/her to listen to you.

Sometimes, you may let your partner to finish the sentence for you, it's also a kind of interruption, but in a passive form. Then, who gain the status? It seems that your partner gain the status because you were interrupted, but you were the person. To let it happened, which also means that you still have the power.

Recently, I learnt from a friend about 'no word', it's an idea about no word is needed in communication and still able to feel the need of a person.

This 'no word' technique is lso very common in couples when they have unresolved conflicts, it helps the to maintain the conflict in a quiet way.
For some couples, quiet cannot last very long! When one side is a 'non worder', and the other side is a 'worder', I'm sure the 'non worder' has more power than the 'worder', because this is the best way to drive people nut!

Interruption with silence maybe more powerful then interruption with words!

- Lilac

...

Do status expectations affect how we interpret interruption in conversation?

Two experiments examined how interrupters and their targets are perceived in same- and mixed-gender dyads. In Experiment 1, participants listened to a brief audiotaped conversation in which one person interrupted the other five times. In Experiment 2, four confederates (two men and two women) systematically interrupted naïve participants while discussing an article. In general, interrupters gained in status and targets of interruption lost status. In addition, participants who were interrupted rated themselves as less influential than those who were not interrupted. As expected, interrupters, especially female interrupters, were liked less than those who did not interrupt. Theoretical implications are discussed.

Source: "Attaining Status at the Expense of Likeability: Pilfering Power Through Conversational Interruption" from Journal of Nonverbal Behavior, Volume 32, Number 4, 241-260

8 Tips to Beat Holiday Stress

Christmas becomes a big thing of a couple, when they should the love and appreciation to each other! However, it's easy to make people tired, overwhelming, frustrated, rush when we don't feel well prepared enough or we are on tight budget. Hope these 8 tips would be useful for you.

1. Get enough sleep. Sleep deprivation is a major disturber of people's moods and lower the enjoyment of sex. Body massage and hot bath can help as well, it would be great to do this with your partner.

2. Exercise. It can be slow walk, hiking, yoga for both of you, stay away from the crowds. It helps to explore the decent body of your partner, and build up intimacy.

3. Stay in control of your eating & drinking. It's easy to misbehave after over eating or drinking. Check the drink menu, food menu and even the dessert menu before you order, it can show your well prepared and being considered attitude.

4. Take your time; plan ahead. Including extra travelling time during holiday, leave more margin, and get your backup plan ready.

5. Learn from the past. What has made you and your partner happy in years of old? Be prepared surprise can go both ways, good or bad! But at least it can show your sincere trial. Play safe!

6. Make time for fun and the fun should suit for both of you, unless you are ready to step outside of your comfort zone and do something different.

7. Behave yourself! If you are going to spend some moments with his/her friends and family.

8. Fill your heart with love and joy. You will see things differently when you have a positive mind.

If you have more stress yo deal with, email me. Good luck and have fun.

- Lilac

Age, Sex, Looks, and Attraction: A Puzzle for Evolutionary Psychology, by Bryan Caplan

Age of women matters to men is about fertility, having offsprings.

Men need to provide shelter to protect the women and their offsprings. Younger men may have enough energy to build the shelter, but usually they can accumulate more resources when they are older.

Man may prefer better looking women to carry the offspring because it implies better genes, which including better body shape, height, symmetrical face, etc. for men and women. Thus, the family line can become stronger and last longer. It also means the family has more chance to become more successful.

All these sound unfair to women, maybe in the old days, it began in this way and gender issue is more recent concern. And maybe the traditional believes are imbedded in our mind.

-Lilac
......

Age, Sex, Looks, and Attraction: A Puzzle for Evolutionary Psychology, by Bryan Caplan
EconLog

Evolutionary psychology has a simple explanation for why men value women's youth far more than the reverse: Menopause. Females' fertility declines sharply during their thirties, and largely vanishes in their forties. Males' fertility, in contrast, declines more slowly, and does not asymptote to zero. We're largely the descendants of men who liked young women, and woman who weren't so picky about men's age.

So far, so good. But this story fails to explain another key stylized fact: Conditioning on age, men care more about looks than women. Since age and looks are strongly negatively correlated for women, it's easy to treat age and looks as a single package. But they're distinct. A person can look very young and very ugly at the same time. So why do men care so much about how women look, strongly preferring a beautiful 25-year-old to a plain 25-year-old?

....

Does early exposure to porn turn kids into sex addicts?

No, they are not related! But it's not easy for the parents to handle kids expose to porn except banding it.

How about boyfriend watching porn, what the girlfriend would do? Or the other way round?

Since porn has negative image in our society, not only the film makers but also the viewers. Worries about giving a 'wrong' message about sex, concepts and beliefs. Actually, the porn shows some of the sexual fantasy which are already there, in our mind. And the porn is a way to visualize.

Usually people can distinguish fantasy and reality without guidance. But of cause, seek for consultation when you have questions.

- Lilac

...
Does early exposure to porn turn kids into sex addicts?

The aim of this retrospective study was to assess the relationship between early exposure to pornography and sexual compulsivity among Croatian young adults. Using online survey data on pornography use and sexual behavior among 1,528 heterosexual women and men aged 18-25, we tested a hypothesis that pornography use at the age of 14 is a marker for sexual compulsivity in late adolescence and young adulthood. After satisfactory reliability of a four-item subscale of the Sexual Compulsiveness Scale (Kalichman & Rompa, 1995) was confirmed in this sample, construct validity of this composite indicator focused on out of control sexual thoughts and behaviors was assessed. High sexual compulsivity was associated with sexual risk taking, though mainly among women, decreased levels of relationship intimacy and lesser sexual contentment. However, we found no significant association between early exposure to pornography and high sexual compulsivity either among men or women.

Source: "Is Early Exposure to Pornography a Risk Factor for Sexual Compulsivity? Findings from an Online Survey among Young Heterosexual Adults" from International Journal of Sexual Health, Volume 20, Issue 4 November 2008 , pages 270 - 280

老公性上癮 頂唔順要離婚

SEXUAL ADDICTION (性上癮)

 

It's a kind of Obsessive Compulsive Behaviour, OCB (強迫症), and it's nothing to do with addiction, but instead it's a type of OCB. Treatment of sexual addiction includes medical therapy and psychotherapy, let's focus on psychotherapy.

 

Whatever the person is in a relationship or not, seeking help from relationship/marital therapy would be more appropriate, it will help the couple to handle the situation instead of blaming the person is a "patient", and it would help the person to review the past experience of intimate relationship which didn't work out alright. Also, seeking sex therapy consultation would be useful for the person and the couple because the sexual myths and underneath beliefs would be reviewed and avoid unnecessary blaming and condemn.

 

Combination of medical treatment and psychotherapy would be most useful to the person and the couple, don't be hesitated and seek resources!

 

Lilac

.......

 

老公性上癮　頂唔順要離婚

2010年11月28日  (蘋果日報)

Tiger Woods聲稱自己是患上「性上癮」，所以「唔滾唔安樂」，需要接受治療云云。天下間的老婆不禁泛起一個疑問，「上癮」是否一種病，還是拈花野草的藉口？精神科醫生曾繁光指「性上癮」其實是強迫症的一種：「正如世上有工作狂、運動狂、愛情狂，又或者像我這想唔寫文章唔安樂，都是追求一種滿足而已。」也有人喜歡拔毛，把毛髮當郵票收集！但「性上癮」卻被標籤成禁忌，「（性上癮）為何不被接受？其實都是道德迫害。」患者的慾望不能自控，「如果他要做三次，只做了兩次都發病，手淫都無用，甚至會抑鬱，好痛苦 o架。」性上癮非常罕見，曾繁光說他行醫 20多年，而且專做性治療，也只是見過大約 5名患者。「正如食飯，人人胃口不同，有人一日一餐、有人一日十餐，性是為了開心愉快，食夠自然唔想再食。」但幾多才算「不合理地大食」？「年輕人性慾較強好正常。如果找到一個和你一樣癲的對手，其實沒有問題。如果影響到日常生活和情緒，甚至有犯罪傾向，就要尋求治療。」例如不能勃起都要做愛，影響身體機能；或者把所有工資都花在性工作者身上等。治療方法不外乎是用藥物，或用其他活動試圖分散注意力。而藥物的劑量會比正常多，應由專科醫生處理。但最重要還是與伴侶或配偶達成共識：「兩個人的關係，一是接受一是離開，試試提升伴侶的接受程度。有些人甚至容許另一半與別人搞，甚麼可能性都有，最重要是雙方舒服。」  

Does marijuana improve sex more for men or women?

Interesting study, but gonna say, cannabis is prohibited in Hong Kong.

- Lilac
...
Does marijuana improve sex more for men or women?

The putative role of the endocannabinoid system and the effects of cannabis use in male and female sexual functioning are summarized. The influence of cannabis intake on sexual behavior and arousability appear to be dose-dependent in both men and women, although women are far more consistent in reporting facilitatory effects. Furthermore, evidence from nonhuman species indicate somewhat more beneficial than debilitating effects of cannabinoids on female sexual proceptivity and receptivity while suggesting predominantly detrimental effects on male sexual motivation and erectile functioning. Data from human and nonhuman species converge on the ephemeral nature of THC-induced testosterone decline. However, it is clear that cannabinoid-induced inhibition of male sexual behavior is independent of concurrent declines in testosterone levels. Investigations also reveal a suppression of gonadotropin release by cannabinoids across various species. Historical milestones and promising future directions in the area of cannabinoid and sexuality research are also outlined in this review.

Source: "Male–female differences in the effects of cannabinoids on sexual behavior and gonadal hormone function" from Hormones and Behavior, Volume 58, Issue 1, June 2010, Pages 91-99

My girlfriend always found a reason not to have sex. When she finally agreed, I cried off. Now she says I'm gay

I hope both of you can have empathy to each other about the readiness of moving on in the intimate relationship towards each other. It takes time to understand each other and get an idea about how much we want to share and how much we want to on-hold, which include sex, friends or/and family recognition, private time, future plan, money, etc.

When the partner doesn't feel comfortable enough to offer more, it's time to observe more, be patient! It's also a way to show your respect and care, which is a very mature attitude!

In this case, the boyfriend showed his respect even though his was carrying some questions in his mind. But it also showed that the boyfriend was carrying a quite tradition gender role on sex, which means man should take an active role in sex. So, when the girlfriend took the initiative, he was very shock and his body had reflected his surprise.

It could be too soon to identify the pattern of their relationship. But this couple should be more aware of their expected (or ideal) vs realistic role in the relationship.

- Lilac

...
My girlfriend always found a reason not to have sex. When she finally agreed, I cried off. Now she says I'm gay

I'm a 22-year-old university student. My partner of six months has been busy and we've never managed to find time to spend an evening together. I've been asked to leave her place on many occasions; on account of a headache, too much work, being tired, a family member being ill, a friend being dead. The list is endless. However two nights ago, completely unannounced, she decided to visit me, making it clear that now she was ready to stay the evening. We ended up in my bedroom and she jumped on me. However, after 10 minutes the smart aleck in me reared its head; I told her I had a headache and that she should book a taxi. Supposedly this makes me gay. Have I done something wrong?

Fertility changes with the seasons

If you worried about fertility, have a look of this article.

- Lilac

....
Fertility changes with the seasons
From Guardian.co.uk

Does the month in which you were born affect how fertile you are? Surprisingly the answer is yes. Women born during the summer tend to have fewer children than women born at other times of year.

Using birth statistics from Austria, dating back to 1967, Susanne Huber from the University of Veterinary Medicine in Vienna, and colleagues, show that women with a birthday in July had 13% fewer children than women with birthdays in December. Switching hemispheres to New Zealand, the researchers found mirror image results. The reason for these patterns is not entirely clear, but researchers think maternal nutrition along with weather conditions (and likelihood of catching infections) may affect foetal development at a critical stage.

Moving to Vietnam, Huber and her colleagues found women with birthdays during the July rainy season are more fertile than those born in the dry January period. They suggest that the lower birth rate of the January women is linked to the crucial third month of their foetal development. Poor nutrition or increased infection in mothers, associated with the more difficult weather, could have detrimental effects on the foetus at this stage, they suggest.

For men the story is slightly different, with autumn men producing the fewest children and springtime men producing the most. Again foetal development conditions are likely to be key, but perhaps the most vulnerable stage is different for boys and girls.

Telling my best friend I was gay and I loved him has wrecked our relationship

When the friendship turn into something else, this love message was sent by one side only, it's not a click for both of them. This situation happens very often in opposite-sex relationship as well.

Some people don't expect the friendship will turn into a romance, and they may prefer not to. Usually it means you are not his/her type. And it will make the friendship a bit strange to handle for awhile. It takes time for both of you to settle down the emotions...

From:
Your emotions: disappointed by he doesn't want to be your lover
His emotions: being nervous because your friend is gay and he was interested in you, and sad about losing a hood friend

And get into:
Your emotions: it's ok to see him as a friend, or a good friend.
His emotions: has the trust on him that the friendship is still there.

- Lilac

....
Telling my best friend I was gay and I loved him has wrecked our relationship

I have fallen in love with my best friend at university. I am gay and he is straight, so I realised nothing would happen between us, though this made it no easier. Before I could honestly tell him how I felt, we had a falling-out and did not see each other over the summer. Upon returning to university, I told him everything.

He took this bombshell extraordinarily well, but things still weren't right between us. He then confessed he felt betrayed and lied to by me, for "pretending to be straight", and we are no longer speaking.

I am happy to be finally out, but until this situation is resolved I won't be fully comfortable with my sexuality as it has wrecked such a good friendship. Can we ever just be friends again, or have my feelings caused irreparable damage?