Sexual Nature

In my daily routine, surfing on the internet, reading news and checking emails, for me to keep in touch with the outside world. Today, an exhibition "Sexual Nature" at the Natural History Museum, London caught my eyes, and I did a bit more searching and I found these video clips in Youtube which I would like to share with your, because I think they show the animal sexual life better than words.

You can follow the links below, and have further exploration:

Sexual Nature Exhibition:
http://www.nhm.ac.uk/visit-us/whats-on/temporary-exhibitions/sexual-nature/index.html

Male birds show off their beauty to attract females - David Attenborough - BBC wildlife:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gqsMTZQ-pmE&NR=1&feature=fvwp

Out in Nature: Homosexual Behavior in the Animal Kingdom (2 of 6)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yqBdD0NMeag

Hedgehog Mating Rituals - Attenborough - Life of Mammals - BBC:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btY-3ED__Vo

So, the sexual behaviour doesn't only carry the purpose of maintaining of the family line, but also keep the bonding/social network, sharing food/resources secure. Can the sciencetist tell us do they need solemate as a human being?

According to Wikipedia, soulmate is a "person with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, similarity, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, or compatibility."

I need a soulmate, luckily I got one who could share a lot of things with me physically, emotioanlly and spiritually. I would combine the sexuality and day-to-day-thing into the physical part (but the sexuality is not only come from the intimacy, it also can be seen seperately like gender preference, identity and sexual developement).

Anyway, how does sexual nature relate to us?

Learn from picok:-
- Self exploration & understanding: find out our beautiful side (sexually and non-sexually) and keep practising

"I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own."
Woody Allen

- Communication: learn how to show off our beauty in a decent way
- Never give up: identify the Mr. Mrs. Right and take ACTION
- Termination: learn how to reject

Learn from hedgehogs:-
- Safe sex: conscious and careful!

Learn from Bonobos:-
And being open to different perferance of sexuality, homosexual, heterosexual, bi-sexual, Elton John said,

"I think people should be free to engage in any sexual practices they choose; they should draw the line at goats though."

Some may say we are not just an animal, but I think from the similarity and differences, we can learn from them to improve our life.

Cheers!

Happy Tweeting

It may equivalent to Facebook users, your happiness will attract more happy people, or your sadness would attract sad people.

It seems we can echo better when we share emotional experience. We know what to do or say, we feel less hesitated to express the emotions which we find familiar with.

When you share the problems that you encounter, usually, people would like to offer help by offering suggestion or emotional support. Those response may touch your heart. Sometimes, intimate relationship begins there.

The style of the relationship at this stage is a bit imbalance. One is offering help and the the one is receiving. But we know that some problems may not be solved easily, when it related to interpersonal interaction, personality and deep down psychological issue. The one who offering help may find too tiring and maybe get exhausted, the other one may became more guilt by not getting big improvement. Or the receiving one felt being loved and cared when the offering one kept paying attention to him/her.

All these may kill the relationship quickly. They do having something attract each other. Do something before the relationship dies.

Love can be shown in different ways, if you can recognise when it's shown.

Regards,

Lilac Kamiya

A better decision

People like to get consultation from different professionals, finance, health, parenting, couple relation, etc. And hopefully, we can get a better answer or solution. Of course, this answer or solution is something that you're thinking about. You may need ensure and support instead.

But if you can make a better decision by having a full bladder, it would be very handy and cost much less than taking to a consultant.

I can't make wise decision on food if I'm too hungry! I may over the wrong food or too much food because it looks nice in the menu.

Usually heard bad decision making on relationship when people are really lonely, they would easily give in instead of getting a compromise from both side.

We may need multiple dimension of facts to help us making a decision, but usually we go for the 'gut feeling', actually, we are receiving all kind of information and stall them somewhere in our mind, and not in our bladder, once we slept through it, then we may form the 'gut feeling'.

Take a risk! Nobody can promise the outcome, but after we think through all the factors, we can take a 'reasonable' risk.

- Lilac

...
How to make better decisions?
by Tyler Cowen

What should you do when you really, REALLY have to "go"? Make important life decisions, maybe. Controlling your bladder makes you better at controlling yourself when making decisions about your future, too, according to a study to be published in Psychological Science, a journal of the Association for Psychological Science.

Sexual excitement, hunger, thirst—psychological scientists have found that activation of just one of these bodily desires can actually make people want other, seemingly unrelated, rewards more. Take, for example, a man who finds himself searching for a bag of potato chips after looking at sexy photos of women. If this man were able to suppress his sexual desire in this situation, would his hunger also subside? This is the sort of question Mirjam Tuk, of the University of Twente in the Netherlands, sought to answer in the laboratory.

Tuk came up with the idea for the study while attending a long lecture. In an effort to stay alert, she drank several cups of coffee. By the end of the talk, she says, "All the coffee had reached my bladder. And that raised the question: What happens when people experience higher levels of bladder control?" With her colleagues, Debra Trampe of the University of Groningen and Luk Warlop of the Katholieke Universiteit Leuven, Tuk designed experiments to test whether self-control over one bodily desire can generalize to other domains as well.

In one experiment, participants either drank five cups of water (about 750 milliliters), or took small sips of water from five separate cups. Then, after about 40 minutes—the amount of time it takes for water to reach the bladder—the researchers assessed participants' self-control. Participants were asked to make eight choices; each was between receiving a small, but immediate, reward and a larger, but delayed, reward. For example, they could choose to receive either $16 tomorrow or $30 in 35 days.

The researchers found that the people with full bladders were better at holding out for the larger reward later. Other experiments reinforced this link; for example, in one, just thinking about words related to urination triggered the same effect.

"You seem to make better decisions when you have a full bladder," Tuk says. So maybe you should drink a bottle of water before making a decision about your stock portfolio, for example. Or perhaps stores that count on impulse buys should keep a bathroom available to customers, since they might be more willing to go for the television with a bigger screen when they have an empty bladder.

The pointer is from Michelle Dawson, although I do not take her to be necessarily endorsing (or rejecting) the results. There is related work here and here (pdf).

I wrote this post with an empty bladder.

Happy wife happy life

If you want to have a happy life, it means you need to know how to make you happy first. If you think your partner's happiness can improve the whole situation. Maybe the happy study can help (attached in this article).

First, you need to see he/she is very happy with his/her friends.
Then, less complains about any stuff, could be work, shopping, parents, laws, holiday, etc.
Being passionate about 'things', could be anything.

The quality of the relationship may already be improved a lot, if you get a happy partner.

- Lilac

....

What do very happy people have in common?
Barking up the wrong tree

A sample of 222 undergraduates was screened for high happiness using multiple confirming assessment filters. We compared the upper 10% of consistently very happy people with average and very unhappy people. The very happy people were highly social, and had stronger romantic and other social relationships than less happy groups. They were more extraverted, more agreeable, and less neurotic, and scored lower on several psychopathology scales of the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory. Compared with the less happy groups, the happiest respondents did not exercise significantly more, participate in religious activities significantly more, or experience more objectively defined good events. No variable was sufficient for happiness, but good social relations were necessary. Members of the happiest group experienced positive, but not ecstatic, feelings most of the time, and they reported occasional negative moods. This suggests that very happy people do have a functioning emotion system that can react appropriately to life events.

Source: "Very Happy People" from Psychological Science

His & Her Love

According to the selected article, could scientists help us to know the different between men and women love? How could we show our love in a more effective way?

Some people complain about they couldn't feel the love if they don't receive enough body contact, like holding hands, stroking, kissing etc. Some people complain about no being understood and cared.

But their partners usually confused about no able to deliver their love.

If we can easily say men's love and women's love, then men may able to receive and deliver love through simple and single skill. Such as they can get the love through cooking, watch movie, choosing & buying cellphone/computer stuff. And women can receive and deliver lover through talking & listening, feeling of togetherness, feeling of uniqueness.

But I think the society has already shaping us, boys and girls, what to behave and what should we expect. If our brain function gives us first degree of behaviour modification, then the society gives us second degree of modification.

Luckily, our individual mind may still able to have some adjustment, choose to do thinks that we prefer.

Think about what you really like and how much different from your partner.

Have a good day!

- Lilac

....
* Men & Women: differences *

Scientists have come to accept that a few fundamental differences between men and women are biological. It turns out that men's and women's brains, for example, are not only different, but the way we use them differs too. Women have larger connections and more frequent interaction between their brain's left and right hemispheres. This accounts for women's ability to have better verbal skills and intuition. Men, on the other hand, have greater brain hemisphere separation, which explains their skills for abstract reasoning and visual-spatial intelligence. Poet Robert Bly describes women's brains as a "superhighway" of connection while men's brains connections are compared to a "little crookedy country road.'"

All the above gets even more confusing, if we take into account that 15 to 20% of men happen to have a female type of brains, and about 10% of women have a male type of brains, which means that some percentage of men and women, no matter how small it seems, are partially programmed to the behavior and way of thinking of the opposite gender.

(Source: peoplerelationships.syl.com/battleofsexes/differences)

Benefit of Participating couple counselling

It can save your time and money in a long run! It gives you more energy and support to deal with other problems.

- Lilac

....
Free couples counselling could save billions, say ministers
by Emma Hilton

A new Government initiative which is to offer free taxpayer funded counselling to couples on the rocks, hopes to save billions in the future.

Work and Pensions Secretary Ian Duncan Smith is keen to implement the programme after the divorce rates in Norway fell for 15 consecutive years after the introduction of a similar "relationship education programme".

The programme of "relationship support" is going to cost an estimated £30 million, and will see British cohabiting partners with children as well as married couples, attend counselling sessions in Sure Start Children's Centres.

The counselling is intended for those who are going through "relationship stress", and will involved advice being given on how to stay together.

Smith has said that the benefits of the initial expenditure will be reaped when severe cuts across the public sector come into play, as research has suggested that the cost to the taxpayer of family breakdown is £24 billion a year. He went onto say that by investing money now, savings can also be made on additional benefits such as tax credits, income support and housing benefits for single parents and their children who are left in financial turmoil after a family break up.

Casual dating among young people?

According to a research finding about Hong Kong teenager's view of
dating like "having fast food", (1) the whole cycle of dating from
getting start to end of the relationship could only take couple weeks
and (2) they also accept more than one partner at a time. It seems
people "worry" about their "concept" about intimacy and couple
relationship.

It's so common to have sexual relationship among young people or
teenagers, but parents may only ask them not having sex by saying
"Don't make the wrong step!" instead of teaching them do it in a
safe/less harm way. The reason is parents may worry about the
"education" may encourage them to have sex in their early age. If you
are a parent, please expend your way of thinking about safe/less harm
way, it's not only about using condom properly, or how important to be
a virgin (because they may not listen anyway) ! But we want to let
them know how important they are, and be responsible to the
consequences.

Help them to appreciate and respect themselves, body and mind! Not
being a virgin doesn't mean they are less good. Experience from a bad
relationship can help them to be smarter. Help them to understand
themselves and find a partner who suit him/her well which would be
very useful in a long run. Also, marriage is not the only one goal in
our life, it takes an important role, but it can't represent our whole
life!

Casual dating really can help us to learn about this in a "real life",
and we also learn how to take care the break-ups. This is something we
can't learn from lecturing. Also, teenager may not see marriage is
their ultimate of casual dating, maybe it's just part of their life as
a teenager. Also, their concept of marriage/love/relationship would be
quite different from you anyway, before you make judgement/lecturing,
why not understand their viewpoints first?

To all young people, struggle through the teenage time is not easy,
all the best!

- Lilac

Link of the research (Chinese only):
http://www.wenweipo.com/news_print.phtml?news_id=IN1102100051

Cohabitating couples need legal rights

What legal rights cohabitating couple need? I think they should be protected against domestic violence and their children receive same welfare like any other children with married parents, education and caring.

But for the cohabitating couple, do they need to be protected financially? I don't think so. When they choose the partner, they already have compromised their financial situation, if they feel insecure enough that he/she may need to share half of the wealth in the future when they divorce, and they still have an option to maintain the relationship in a cohabitation mode. However, when the legal protection will cover this area as well, he/she may only maintain the relationship into a more casual mode to prevent those trouble later. Also, it's relatively easy to prove a married couple than cohabitating couple. How many night per week they need to spend together? How about sleeping in different room? There will be more argument to define cihabitating relationship when someone wants to protect their own wealth.

I'm not against cohabitating couples, but only when the statistic is telling us that more people are in habitation instead of marriage, it means to me that people need options and marriage is only one of many ways. If the government makes habitation just like marriage, people will work out different way they find more comfortable.

Also, they are not forced into any relationship, neither habitation nor marriage. They should be more responsible to their decision.

Precaution steps are always recommended to all couples!

- Lilac

...

Cohabitating couples need legal rights
Yvonne Roberts
by Yvonne Roberts

A new attempt to reform family law could finally win security for Britain's 2 million cohabiting couples – and their children

Here we go again. For 15 years, various organisations, lawyers, bishops and lords included, have tried to establish legal rights for cohabitees. On every occasion, the "don't put marriage in peril" band have unfairly won the day – making more children vulnerable to life on the breadline. On this occasion, Nicholas Wall, the head of the family law division, has said that unmarried partners should be given the right to each have an equitable share of assets and money should their relationship break down

Wall told the Times, "Women cohabitees, in particular, are severely disadvantaged by being unable to claim maintenance and having their property rights determined by the conventional laws of trusts." Wall said that, in one recent case, a house was bought by an unmarried couple jointly. "They had lived together for 10 years and had two children and the judge divided 90% to the man and 10% to the woman. We [in the court of appeal] reversed it and said it should be 50-50." The case is now going to the supreme court.

Resolution, an organisation of family lawyers, can point to any number of cases of women and men who have found themselves, after years of cohabiting, with no money and no roof over their heads and those of their children after a separation. Trust is fine when Cupid is still firing his arrows but once the end is in sight (or one half of the cohabiting couple dies), if the mortgage is in only one name, the other person could find themselves without a home or a share of a pension and assets.

Britain has more than 2 million cohabiting couples. Common-law marriage was abolished in the 1750s but according to a British social attitudes survey, many believe it is alive and well. 2% of people cohabited in the 1960s, now, at least 70% of us cohabit before or without marriage. Cohabitation is associated with higher levels of fragmentation. While 27% of couples split before their child is five, that compares with 9% of those who are married. But if critics of cohabitation rights really want to boost marriage the best path is one of redistribution; boost everyone's income substantially and improve education considerably.

People who marry, according to research collated by the charity, One Plus One, tend to be wealthier, have better education and may have a faith. Linda Waite and Maggie Gallagher's book, The Case for Marriage: Why Married People are Happier, Healthier and Better-Off Financially, uses studies to prove exactly what they proclaim in the title. What the two don't tackle nearly so well is the chicken-and-egg dilemma. Namely, does marriage make people happier and healthier – or is it the happy, healthy people who tend to get married?

If the answer is the latter, cohabitation rights aren't going to make much different to the state of our nuptials. Many who cohabit say they don't marry because they lack prospects and the money for a proper wedding and house, or the man doesn't have a wage. Others cohabit because one partner won't commit to marriage. Some drift into cohabiting. So, say a girlfriend is chucked out of her flat, and temporarily moves in with her boyfriend, pays half the mortgage, that interim arrangement stretches into a couple of years. The relationship breaks up, should she then be eligible for half his assets, even if there are no children? (Hopefully, such a couple would be able to come to their own arrangement, but heartbreak can be a vengeful business.)

Earlier attempts to improve cohabitation rights (and the rights of dependents living together, for instance, two sisters) suggested a minimum of two or five years' cohabitation and children having been born to the partnership before a fair division of assets takes place. It's difficult. What if a woman has a child within 18 months of cohabiting? And what too of the right to dissent? Some people cohabit precisely because they want a relationship in which the state and the law play no part. That may not seem like the stuff of romance, but aren't these couples entitled to their own particular kind of happy-ever-after too?

Sex & Happiness

I'm glad to see more study about human sexuality and happiness. Sex carries different meanings, such as sexual fulfillment and satisfaction, intimacy, focus, power, communication, pleasing, control, etc. It's all we can find in any intimate relationship. It also may mean it completes the interaction of intimate relation.

- Lilac

...
What's the connection between sex and happiness?
Barking up the wrong tree

Photo credit

This paper studies the empirical patterns in money, sex and happiness. Using 1990s data from the General Social Surveys of the United States, the paper shows that sexual activity enters strongly positively in happiness equations. We calculate that the median American has sexual intercourse 2-3 times a month. In our data, close to half of American women over the age of 40 report that they did not have sex in the previous year; the figure for men is 20%. Among Americans under 40 years of age, approximately 80% of women and 70% of men had no more than one sexual partner in the previous year. Sex appears to have stronger effects on the happiness of highly educated people than those with low levels of education. The happiness- maximizing number of sexual partners in the previous year is 1. Homosexuality has no statistically significant effect on happiness, but a strong positive effect on the reported amount of sexual activity. Married people have more sex than those who are single, divorced, widowed, or separated. Money buys more sexual partners but not more sex.

Source: "Money, Sex and Happiness: An Empirical Study" from Scandinavian Journal of Economics, 2004

禿頭 vs. 不舉 (Baldness drug Propecia 'risking men's sexual health')

Impotence and baldness are both attacking our self image and confidence! But if the baldness drug would take away your sexual life (lack of sexual drive & erectile dysfunction), then what will you choose? It seems the drug label claimed that the side effect will not continue after your stop the drug, but in some cases, IT IS NOT! And treatment on impotence made no difference on the problem. Please consult your GP before you take those drugs!

 

Lilac

--

Baldness drug Propecia 'risking men's sexual health'

 

By Simon Mundie

 

James says "all hell broke loose" after he stopped taking Propecia. Young men could be risking their sexual health by taking a commonly used anti-baldness drug, claim some doctors.

 

They say finasteride, sold in the UK as Propecia, can cause serious side effects and isn't adequately labelled.

 

A quarter of men in their 20s show signs of male pattern baldness, with six and a half million males in the UK affected.

 

Propecia manufacturer Merck says it continually monitors the drug's safety and has updated the label.

 

James, 26, from Edinburgh suffered side effects after using the drug.

 

"I noticed hair loss, hair coming out in the shower and on the pillow, and I freaked out basically.

 

"I went onto the internet and researched it. I found out there was a drug called Propecia, and soon enough I started buying that and it worked a treat."

 

The prescription pill is extremely effective at stopping hair loss and in clinical trials nine out of 10 men didn't lose any more hair over a five year period.

 

Drugs' company Merck, which manufactures Propecia, claims on its website that less than 2% of men could suffer sexual side effects.

 

'Completely impotent'

 

It mentions things like difficulty achieving an erection, but says the problems will go away for men who stop taking the drug.

 

For James, that was when the problems started. He'd stopped taking the drug after noticing he had less interest in sex - but he says things soon got worse.

 

"After about three weeks all hell broke loose. I more or less became completely impotent."

 

After about three weeks all hell broke loose... It did work well for my hair, but the cost is ridiculous - losing my sex-life

 

He went to see a specialist a few months later.

 

"He put me on testosterone therapy, which is a lifelong commitment", says James.

 

"Unfortunately that didn't work either. I went back to him six months later and he offered me the chance of a penile implant."

 

There are doctors in Ireland and the US who claim cases like James's aren't unusual and that the drug's labelling is inadequate.

 

Merck say they continually monitor its safety and have recently changed the labelling after reports of sexual side effects continuing after people had stopped taking the drug.

 

They also claim those cases are extremely rare and could be caused by something other than Propecia itself.

 

But James is convinced it was his decision to take the drug that caused his problem.

 

"Every day I wish could turn back the clock.

 

"It did work well for my hair, but the cost is ridiculous - losing my sex-life.

 

"It's happening to lots and lots of men- and it's about time people woke up to it."

 

 

Do status expectations affect how we interpret interruption in conversation?

For Chinese, interruption in conversation is impolite, not respecting others, but it's so common in our daily dialogue with fellows, friends, family, and etc.

I guess you may experience that when you were talking to somebody and you ways can't finish your sentence or idea, it may bring you headache if you need him/her to listen to you.

Sometimes, you may let your partner to finish the sentence for you, it's also a kind of interruption, but in a passive form. Then, who gain the status? It seems that your partner gain the status because you were interrupted, but you were the person. To let it happened, which also means that you still have the power.

Recently, I learnt from a friend about 'no word', it's an idea about no word is needed in communication and still able to feel the need of a person.

This 'no word' technique is lso very common in couples when they have unresolved conflicts, it helps the to maintain the conflict in a quiet way.
For some couples, quiet cannot last very long! When one side is a 'non worder', and the other side is a 'worder', I'm sure the 'non worder' has more power than the 'worder', because this is the best way to drive people nut!

Interruption with silence maybe more powerful then interruption with words!

- Lilac

...

Do status expectations affect how we interpret interruption in conversation?

Two experiments examined how interrupters and their targets are perceived in same- and mixed-gender dyads. In Experiment 1, participants listened to a brief audiotaped conversation in which one person interrupted the other five times. In Experiment 2, four confederates (two men and two women) systematically interrupted naïve participants while discussing an article. In general, interrupters gained in status and targets of interruption lost status. In addition, participants who were interrupted rated themselves as less influential than those who were not interrupted. As expected, interrupters, especially female interrupters, were liked less than those who did not interrupt. Theoretical implications are discussed.

Source: "Attaining Status at the Expense of Likeability: Pilfering Power Through Conversational Interruption" from Journal of Nonverbal Behavior, Volume 32, Number 4, 241-260

Age, Sex, Looks, and Attraction: A Puzzle for Evolutionary Psychology, by Bryan Caplan

Age of women matters to men is about fertility, having offsprings.

Men need to provide shelter to protect the women and their offsprings. Younger men may have enough energy to build the shelter, but usually they can accumulate more resources when they are older.

Man may prefer better looking women to carry the offspring because it implies better genes, which including better body shape, height, symmetrical face, etc. for men and women. Thus, the family line can become stronger and last longer. It also means the family has more chance to become more successful.

All these sound unfair to women, maybe in the old days, it began in this way and gender issue is more recent concern. And maybe the traditional believes are imbedded in our mind.

-Lilac
......

Age, Sex, Looks, and Attraction: A Puzzle for Evolutionary Psychology, by Bryan Caplan
EconLog

Evolutionary psychology has a simple explanation for why men value women's youth far more than the reverse: Menopause. Females' fertility declines sharply during their thirties, and largely vanishes in their forties. Males' fertility, in contrast, declines more slowly, and does not asymptote to zero. We're largely the descendants of men who liked young women, and woman who weren't so picky about men's age.

So far, so good. But this story fails to explain another key stylized fact: Conditioning on age, men care more about looks than women. Since age and looks are strongly negatively correlated for women, it's easy to treat age and looks as a single package. But they're distinct. A person can look very young and very ugly at the same time. So why do men care so much about how women look, strongly preferring a beautiful 25-year-old to a plain 25-year-old?

....

Does lots of housework decrease marital sex?

No, it seems, according to the study! But I wonder would child caring affecting marital sex? I guess yes!

- Lilac

....
Does lots of housework decrease marital sex?
by Eric Barker

Motivated by the trend of women spending more time in paid labor and the general speedup of everyday life, the authors explore whether the resulting time crunch affects sexual frequency among married couples. Although prior research has examined the associations between relationship quality and household labor time, few have examined a dimension of relationship quality that requires time: sexual frequency. This study tests three hypotheses based on time availability, gender ideology, and a new multiple-spheres perspective using the National Survey of Families and Households. The results contradict the hypothesis that time spent on household labor reduces the opportunity for sex. The authors find support for the multiple-spheres hypothesis suggesting that both women and men who "work hard" also "play hard." Results show that wives and husbands who spend more hours in housework and paid work report more frequent sex.

Source: "Who Has the Time? The Relationship Between Household Labor Time and Sexual Frequency" from Journal of Family Issues

Does early exposure to porn turn kids into sex addicts?

No, they are not related! But it's not easy for the parents to handle kids expose to porn except banding it.

How about boyfriend watching porn, what the girlfriend would do? Or the other way round?

Since porn has negative image in our society, not only the film makers but also the viewers. Worries about giving a 'wrong' message about sex, concepts and beliefs. Actually, the porn shows some of the sexual fantasy which are already there, in our mind. And the porn is a way to visualize.

Usually people can distinguish fantasy and reality without guidance. But of cause, seek for consultation when you have questions.

- Lilac

...
Does early exposure to porn turn kids into sex addicts?

The aim of this retrospective study was to assess the relationship between early exposure to pornography and sexual compulsivity among Croatian young adults. Using online survey data on pornography use and sexual behavior among 1,528 heterosexual women and men aged 18-25, we tested a hypothesis that pornography use at the age of 14 is a marker for sexual compulsivity in late adolescence and young adulthood. After satisfactory reliability of a four-item subscale of the Sexual Compulsiveness Scale (Kalichman & Rompa, 1995) was confirmed in this sample, construct validity of this composite indicator focused on out of control sexual thoughts and behaviors was assessed. High sexual compulsivity was associated with sexual risk taking, though mainly among women, decreased levels of relationship intimacy and lesser sexual contentment. However, we found no significant association between early exposure to pornography and high sexual compulsivity either among men or women.

Source: "Is Early Exposure to Pornography a Risk Factor for Sexual Compulsivity? Findings from an Online Survey among Young Heterosexual Adults" from International Journal of Sexual Health, Volume 20, Issue 4 November 2008 , pages 270 - 280

Does marijuana improve sex more for men or women?

Interesting study, but gonna say, cannabis is prohibited in Hong Kong.

- Lilac
...
Does marijuana improve sex more for men or women?

The putative role of the endocannabinoid system and the effects of cannabis use in male and female sexual functioning are summarized. The influence of cannabis intake on sexual behavior and arousability appear to be dose-dependent in both men and women, although women are far more consistent in reporting facilitatory effects. Furthermore, evidence from nonhuman species indicate somewhat more beneficial than debilitating effects of cannabinoids on female sexual proceptivity and receptivity while suggesting predominantly detrimental effects on male sexual motivation and erectile functioning. Data from human and nonhuman species converge on the ephemeral nature of THC-induced testosterone decline. However, it is clear that cannabinoid-induced inhibition of male sexual behavior is independent of concurrent declines in testosterone levels. Investigations also reveal a suppression of gonadotropin release by cannabinoids across various species. Historical milestones and promising future directions in the area of cannabinoid and sexuality research are also outlined in this review.

Source: "Male–female differences in the effects of cannabinoids on sexual behavior and gonadal hormone function" from Hormones and Behavior, Volume 58, Issue 1, June 2010, Pages 91-99

Fertility changes with the seasons

If you worried about fertility, have a look of this article.

- Lilac

....
Fertility changes with the seasons
From Guardian.co.uk

Does the month in which you were born affect how fertile you are? Surprisingly the answer is yes. Women born during the summer tend to have fewer children than women born at other times of year.

Using birth statistics from Austria, dating back to 1967, Susanne Huber from the University of Veterinary Medicine in Vienna, and colleagues, show that women with a birthday in July had 13% fewer children than women with birthdays in December. Switching hemispheres to New Zealand, the researchers found mirror image results. The reason for these patterns is not entirely clear, but researchers think maternal nutrition along with weather conditions (and likelihood of catching infections) may affect foetal development at a critical stage.

Moving to Vietnam, Huber and her colleagues found women with birthdays during the July rainy season are more fertile than those born in the dry January period. They suggest that the lower birth rate of the January women is linked to the crucial third month of their foetal development. Poor nutrition or increased infection in mothers, associated with the more difficult weather, could have detrimental effects on the foetus at this stage, they suggest.

For men the story is slightly different, with autumn men producing the fewest children and springtime men producing the most. Again foetal development conditions are likely to be key, but perhaps the most vulnerable stage is different for boys and girls.

In couple relationship, sometimes we might not know how to make it work, BUT we know how to make it worst - infidelity! A relationship needs trust and respect!

Cheating is not an excuse when you are disappointed to the relationship, it only shows your lack of will power, and self-control. This behaviour also may reflect the poor problem management and emotion control, psychotherapy can help the person to have the self-reflection and understanding.

 

As a spouse, what you can do? Infidelity is not an easy thing to build once it got damaged, it takes time and A LOT OF hard work from both sides.At this moment, they would face jealousy, argument, cold-war, attacking, cheating scenario re-occurrence, questioning-and-explaining would happen more often and they are the poisons of the relationship! Both parties would get very frustrated and angry when the situation does not change much, and the children (if any) would be suffered in this condition. Relationship counselling would be useful in this situation to help both of them to face their problem and fix it.

 

Sometimes, we need to let the emotions express in a safe situation (not harming yourself and others), but sometimes, we need to put down the emotions and being more cognition.

 

-Lilac

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Marital affairs: what happens after spouses cheat

Why Americans are getting more conservative about affairs, but seem willing to accept them in their own marriages.

By Stephanie Hanes, / Correspondent / February 11, 2010

Baltimore

Brian Bercht cheated on his wife, Anne, 10 years ago. It was a full-blown affair, with clandestine lunch meetings and a growing emotional attachment to the other woman. It wasn't that Brian didn't love his wife of 18 years, he says. But he felt empty and vulnerable. And he was unprepared for the attraction he felt toward the co-worker who would become his lover. "I didn't think it would ever happen to me," he says.

For her part, Anne Bercht remembers the pain. She describes how she did not sleep or eat for months. "If we had been fighting, if we had had a bad sex life – if we had been struggling – maybe I would have been able to accept it," she says. "But all of that increased my level of devastation and shock. I couldn't think straight."

Not only was she grappling with the pain coming from her marriage, Anne says, she felt that she was facing a world packed with stereotypes and snide jokes, but very little practical advice. In some ways infidelity was everywhere – on television and in songs, in grocery checkout magazines and whispered water-cooler conversations, but it was also nowhere. People might allude to others having affairs, but nobody talked about it in the first person. It was never about them.

If a society's approach to infidelity and marriage shows a lot about that culture, then it's not a stretch to assume that the United States is one confused place.

A spate of recent public scandals – from Tiger Woods to David Letterman, from Sen. John Ensign to Gov. Mark Sanford, to the suspected shenanigans of Jon Gosselin of reality TV's Jon and Kate – might make it seem as if this is a country well versed in the moral and emotional ambiguities of infidelity. But Anne Bercht's experience, say therapists and researchers who work with couples, is far more typical.

Despite all their exposure to and snickering about infidelity, Americans are becoming increasingly conservative about marital transgressions. At the same time, however, they are more likely to accept infidelity in their own relationships – and, with the help of a cottage industry of therapists, counselors, and gurus, more likely to confront it directly.

The explanation for this dichotomy – Americans maintaining a uniquely idealistic view of "I do" while seeming to accept a new strain of realism – is rooted in fundamental changes in notions of morality and marriage. And it is all amplified by that modern-day tempter and confession booth: the Internet.

* * *

The moral crosscurrents Americans feel about infidelity are reflected in the arithmetic. According to the National Science Foundation's longitudinal General Social Survey, Americans say they are becoming more intolerant of extramarital relationships: In 2006, 80.6 percent of Americans said that infidelity is always wrong – up from 73.4 percent in 1991. (Another 14.6 percent in 2006 said that infidelity is "almost always wrong.") In the 2008 Gallup Values and Beliefs poll, Americans as a group found extramarital affairs morally worse than polygamy, human cloning, and suicide.

Let's stick together: lessons in love from long-term couples

That's why you need marital counselling...

Usually I see couples have different pace in their life, also carry different fear/love-and-hate/preference/etc. from their family-of-origin.

We believe people can Chanel, before it becomes too bad! Long lasting relationship is waiting for us!

- Lilac

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Let's stick together: lessons in love from long-term couples
by Shahesta Shaitly

Fran and Dexter Moscow, 62 and 64 respectively, have been together for 46 years. They have twin sons and live in north London

FRAN My cousin phoned and invited me to a party one day, and Dexter was there. I don't remember us making an immediate connection, but that night, and for the next three days, he was all I could think of. I was only 16, but I knew he was the one for me.

DEXTER I got Fran's number from her cousin a few days later. She was magnificent, so I couldn't believe she wanted to go out with me. That feeling has never changed.

FRAN Our families were worried we were too young, and we did break up a couple of times – Dexter had a few commitment issues to begin with.

DEXTER I proposed after we'd been together for five years. She said yes, but then broke it off, as she got cold feet. I was devastated, but I never felt that was the end of it. We were just destined to be together.

FRAN I guess it was my way of getting back at him for breaking up with me a couple of times before. We got married in 1969: I was 21, he was 23. The happiest time we've had is when the twins came along five years later. We're positive people – glass-half-full types. We've had a good life, and thank goodness we have our health.

DEXTER We have had our ups and downs, financial worries and so on, but no different to most people. One of our happiest times was when the boys were bar mitzvah'd.

FRAN We have had difficult times. I used to be a terrible flirt – a shocker. It gave Dexter some sleepless nights.

DEXTER I'd get very jealous, but we realised there was a problem, so we went to marriage guidance. It taught us why we both felt and acted the way we did. Couples shouldn't be afraid of asking for help.

FRAN Many people go into marriage thinking if it doesn't work, you can just move on. But you have to work at a relationship like it's a full-time job.

DEXTER You have to be OK with doing each other's heads in sometimes. The most important thing is to be friends as well as lovers.

FRAN You have to give one another space to achieve and experience things as individuals – that helps you grow.

DEXTER We've never had expectations of each other.

FRAN I love him madly and I respect him hugely because he gives me perspective. He has amazing clarity of thought and he's given me emotional security. He's taught me to love unreservedly.

DEXTER Fran's a stabilising influence, and she has an amazing way of bringing the family together. She's forgiving and intuitive – she's taught me to go with my gut.

Are some human mating preferences universal?

"Women's greater valuation of social status and men's greater valuation of physical attractiveness."

The result shows us a hint that how we have been constructed... Women like men with power/status and men like women with good body.

This combination gives the best opportunity for the offsprings become successful!

-Lilac

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Are some human mating preferences universal?
Barking up the wrong tree

Photo credit
To identify the universal dimensions of long-term mate preferences, we used an archival database of preference ratings provided by several thousand participants from three dozen cultures [Buss, D. M. (1989)]. Participants from each culture responded to the same 18-item measure. Statistical procedures ensured that ratings provided by men and women were weighted equally, and that ratings provided by participants from each culture were weighted equally. We identified four universal dimensions: Love vs. Status/Resources; Dependable/Stable vs. Good Looks/Health; Education/Intelligence vs. Desire for Home/Children; and Sociability vs. Similar Religion. Several standard sex differences replicated across cultures, including women's greater valuation of social status and men's greater valuation of physical attractiveness. We present culture-specific ratings on the universal dimensions across-sex and between-sex to facilitate future cross-cultural work on human mating psychology.

Source: "Universal dimensions of human mate preferences" from Personality and Individual Differences, Volume 39, Issue 2, July 2005, Pages 447-458

Why do romantic partners snoop?

Study result to share

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Why do romantic partners snoop?
Barking up the wrong tree

Existing research shows that intrusive behavior has detrimental consequences for relationships. Surprisingly, little is known about why close relationship partners snoop. This study examined why romantic partners engage in intrusive behavior among newlywed couples in the Netherlands. As predicted, the results showed that perceiving a lack of partner disclosure is linked to intrusive behavior, and importantly, that trust moderates this link. Only when people did not trust their partner were their perceptions of partners' low disclosure associated with intrusive behavior. When people trusted their partner, perceived partner disclosure was not associated with intrusive behavior. These results help to explain why people snoop and highlight the importance of trust as a powerful protective buffer against intrusive behavior in close relationships.

Source: "Why do close partners snoop? Predictors of intrusive behavior in newlywed couples" from Personal Relationships