好消息! 定期有性高潮的人有福了

在中國常說"性福"，真是有福了。
首先，定期有性高潮可以減壓，減少心臟病，乳癌及前列腺癌。其次，以每星期有兩次或以上的性高潮和每月少於一次，死亡率還可減低百份之五十呢！

Lilac Kamiya

原文
Are there other nonsexual health benefits to be derived from orgasm? Affirmative, say Rutgers University sex researchers Barry Komisaruk and Beverly Whipple. Their readable and comprehensive The Science of Orgasm says that people who have regular orgasms seem to have less stress and enjoy lower rates of heart disease, breast cancer, prostate cancer, and endometriosis.

They also appear to live longer. British researcher G. Davey Smith and two colleagues calculated that over a span of ten years the risk of death among men who had two or more orgasms a week was 50 percent lower than among those who had them less than once a month. (Obviously, the researchers had to control for factors like social class, smoking, and age.) Catholic priests, as compared with their noncelibate Protestant counterparts, have higher rates of early death. This last bit was reported—though without a source—in a 1990 Sports Medicine article entitled "The Sexual Response as Exercise."

Simply love

You just need to hold hands to connect.

The hands show your love, care and support.

Can we keep our love simple?

Best Regards,

Lilac

Ps. I was very busy in the last month, things are getting better. Hopefully, there more post coming. Cheers!

Porn and Rape: The Debate Continues

Porn tends to stereotype female position in a male-female relationship with rich fantasy, and it may create discomfort in the relationship when the partner (specially male) is a heavy porn user.

Using porn is very personal because it involves a lot of sexual fantasy, it could be hard to share with others, friends or partner, except the description of body figure and look. So when the female partner doesn't share the usage of porn, it's more likely to form different negative emotions, such as jealousy, hate, disgust, etc.

The counter argument is some may think using porn may not affect a relationship badly. Of cause it could happen if the female partner sees: (1) him using porn is his personal decision thing, (2) sees porn has harmless reading or entertainment, (3) never compares herself and the girls in porn. These factors reflect the female partner is more self-contain and confident, in their relationship, their boundary is clear. Usually, the couple can be more flexible and acceptance to each other's decision/behaviour. To be aware, there's no one kind of relationship better than the other. It depends on your preference and see does it match your situation.

Another common argument is porn access by teens and kids. Some adults share that reading and sharing sex information about sex from porn among peers was their first sex education. But some parents would worry about their children reach porn too soon and make it like a habit.

Of cause, usually parents would not expect their children would turn into a sex criminal anyway! How would they encourage their children use porn properly to prevent being a raper?!! That doesn't make sense even though that's a proved relationship between low rape rate and high usage of porn!

That would be interesting to see more study about how's the view different between mother and father towards their son and daughter about using pornography!

 

 

Best Regards,
Lilac
....
Porn and Rape: The Debate Continues by Freakonomics

The question of whether the rise of Internet pornography has reduced incidents of rape is nothing new, and something we've covered before. Back in 2006, Levitt expressed skepticism over research done by one of his former students that suggests a link, writing at the time:
The kind of variation in the data that gives the result is that states that are quicker to adopt the internet saw bigger declines in rape. He then does a nice thing in the paper, going beyond just this one prediction to test other hypotheses, like do crimes other than rape fall with the internet (he says no) and does other sexual behavior change with the internet (he says yes). The concern is always, with this kind of approach, that there are other factors that might be driving both the adoption of the internet and the decline in rape. The challenge to those who want to refute Todd Kendall's argument is to identify those variables. The challenge for Todd is to find other kinds of "natural experiments" that support his hypothesis.
Now comes an article in the current issue of Scientific American Mind, which posits that for "most people, pornography has no negative effects—and it may even deter sexual violence." The article, titled "The Sunny Side of Smut," is by Melinda Wenner Moyer, a science writer. Here's a full version of the piece, via Moyer's website. Though an interesting read, the article adds no new empirical evidence to the subject, and relies heavily on the data showing that rape decreased faster in states that got the Internet quicker. As Levitt pointed out, that's not enough to go on. Moyer's article is more of a tour through a handful of studies (and questionnaires) that look at the effects porn has on our behavior and views toward the opposite sex. Here's a summary of the article from Scientific American Mind editor Ingrid Wickelgren, who is rightly skeptical:
But Wenner's story goes beyond saying porn is safe. It suggests that it might actually be beneficial. I am not sure I buy this, but some coincidences worth mentioning back up this view. First, as access to Internet pornography grew in this country, rates of rapes and sexual assault went in the opposite direction. Those stats are at their lowest levels since the 1960s. And something similar happened in Japan, China and Denmark. Along those lines, the U.S. states in which rapes rose by 53 percent had the least Internet access between 1980 and 2000—and so the least access to Internet porn. States with the most access saw a 27 percent drop in reported rapes. These opposing trends don't prove anything. It could be that they are unrelated to each other or that a third factor underlies both. But it makes you wonder.
If porn somehow reduces rape, why would that be? Wenner suggests that pornography may be a safe outlet for deviance. Exposure to it correlates with lower levels of sexual repression, experts say. And people seeking treatment in clinics for sex offenders commonly say that it helps them keep their abnormal sexuality in their minds. Otherwise, maybe these folks, and others, might have been contributing to those rape stats. I don't really know, but that's the idea.
Relationship-wise, watching porn could have drawbacks. Guys, if you overindulge and advertise it, you are unlikely to score points with your wife or girlfriend. In a study of female partners of heavy porn users, 42 percent said it made them feel insecure; 39 percent said it had a negative impact on their relationship and 32 percent said it negatively affected their lovemaking.
The prolific rise of Internet pornography over the last 15 years certainly represents a change from the past, and has surely had consequences for our behavior and attitudes. Whether we'll ever have reliable empirical evidence to study its effect on violent sexual crime is unclear. But one thing is sure, it makes for an interesting debate.

 

壓力鍋中的性與愛

香港人的生活壓力大, 由三歲至八十歲, 人人皆知! 可能因為壓力大, 亦培養出香港人的特出之處: “轉彎快, 效率高, 夠勤力!” 但在工作及家庭上的 “轉彎快, 效率高, 夠勤力!” 可能做就了 “有開工, 無收工!” 的生活模式. 亦可能是另一個 “雞先或蛋先” 的問題 (暫且放下)!

2003年由香港家庭計劃指導會進行的調查表示, 隨著結婚年期增加，男性對性生活的滿意程度初期是逐年下降，結婚年期10~14年間跌至最低點，然後逐漸回升；而女性對性生活的滿意程度則平穩地逐年減少。無論對性生活的興趣或滿意程度上，男性都整體上較女性為高。調查亦發現不利於夫妻間性生活的最主要因素是工作壓力、經濟壓力及跟孩子同住一室。

地方狹小 與孩子同住一室

孩子需要不少的空間及關注, 父母在家時的空間及互相的關注亦相對減少. 其次, 父母可能不習慣 “閂房門”, 亦令維繫夫妻親密有一定的困難. 另外, 筆者亦見過不少家庭, 母親與孩子同床, 而父親則獨自而睡. 如果長此下去, 對有愛才有性的一方更難有滿意的性接觸, 始對有性才有愛的一方更難上加難!

為何身處壓力鍋中還要談性與愛?

誘因是性與愛可以是緊張生活的潤滑劑! 以及, 一般孩子是十分滿意父母之間表現親密及愛, 這些溫馨感, 會大大增加孩子的安全感及自信!

性與愛 兒童不宜?

父母的性交場面, 絕對是兒童不宜! 有如父母之間的衝突, 亦屬兒童不宜. 但父母之間有意無意的冷語, 沖口而出的惡言, 雖然不宜, 但難以完全避免. 反之, 父母之間的親密行為, 拍拖, 親吻及擁抱等, 是可以在 “家長指引” 下進行. 指引包括, 從中引導出, 父母之間愛的表現, 與母子之間, 父子之間, 手足之間及朋友之間的愛的分別! 愛是老少咸宜的, 成長於有愛的家庭中的孩子, 更懂得愛自己及別人!

營造親密感

地方細細, 加點智慧, 亦有無盡可能!

(一)    做一些平時少做的事情: 增加視覺, 聽覺, 味覺或嗅覺的刺激! 可能是為對方準備晚餐 (包括善後工作), 主動親吻, 提議不同的性交姿勢等等! 大前提是 “想對方開心及為對方著想!”

(二)    親密不只在床上: 一個溫柔的親吻及擁抱, 小小的耳語, 拖手, 微笑, 鬼臉也能表達出愛意. 如果孩子看了, 父母亦可以籍此教導孩子, 父母的親密!

(三)    我有我天地: 定時有閂房門的習慣, 相擁而睡, 床上談情等, 而孩子可以學習獨處及敲門等生活習慣及禮儀.

(四)    為對方按摩 可能勝過性交: 工作加上照顧孩子, 身體長時間的繃緊, 令人疲倦, 而按摩可以為對方提供身心的潤澤.

優先次序

父母多以孩子為先, 自己的需要則放在後. 但不要忘記, 父母要有力, 才能為孩子給力! 父母之間有快樂, 較容易為孩子帶來快樂! 而重點是, 父母二人從中得到共識!

定期檢討及改善

沒有一本通書讀到老, 當發現有不足之處時, 可以自我檢討或與對方分享, 從中找出改善之處! 更要作出行動!

撰文：香港性教育、研究及治療專業協會註冊性教育家, 婚姻及家庭治療師神谷欣

<父母如何向孩子灌輸性教育>

Am I watching too much porn?

Using porn is very common among single or even a person in a relationship. it's full of sexual fantasy, and giving you a lot of control in your fantasy.

However, the downside is when the fantasy is so private and unrealistic, you would enjoy being yourself instead of engaging into a relationship. The fact is relationship is more like a 2-way-track, but using porn is more or less a 1-way-track.

If you only can deal with the porn, the real relation would become too complicated for you.

If you find it's what happening to you and it's affecting your daily life, seek for professional help and don't hesitate.

Best Regards,

Lilac

....

Am I watching too much porn?
by Pamela Stephenson Connolly

I think what you are really worried about is your erotic style, advises Pamela Stephenson Connolly

I'm 35, recently single, but meeting new people for sex and also to see if any of that leads anywhere with someone nice. I use porn daily, mainly to look at things I don't do in my sex life, but possibly would like to try with the right person. Nothing very extreme, but certainly not things I'd want found on my hard drive should I get hit by a bus. Apart from spending 40 minutes a day watching porn it's not affecting any other aspect of my life; if I'm busy with other things I don't miss it. But is there such a thing as too much?

For you, "too much" seems less of an issue than the fact that you seem conflicted about your erotic style. You indicate that sex is more important to you than having a settled relationship, and that you use sex as a means of connecting with others, but there is some wistfulness in your words.

You are strongly focused on "different" types of play, but it seems you do not hold out much hope that you will ever find someone "nice" with similar sexual tastes. However, if what takes your fancy is safe, sane and consensual, you could reasonably expect there will be a like-minded partner for you who is also a decent person. Human beings are multifaceted and a wonderfully wicked erotic sensibility can lurk behind the most wholesome personality.

The trick is to accept your own sexual desires and regard anyone who shares them as also worthy of your respect – perhaps even of your love.

• Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.

研究：淋病具抗藥性

研究：淋病具抗藥性
20110711

【明報專訊】瑞典一個病理研究機構，昨於加拿大舉行的第19屆國際性病研究協會大會發表研究報告，第一次確認有淋病病菌對抗生素呈抗藥性，並擔憂該類型病菌會迅速大幅度擴散。

瑞典研究機構「Swedish Reference Laboratory for Pathogenic Neisseria」在報告中指出，自1940年代起，抗生素一直作為治理淋病的標準療程，而病菌已於過去展示強大的對抗機制，故此新發現雖然令人擔憂，但不感意外。

如無新藥物療法 病菌擴散快

研究表示仍未知該類型病菌是否已大幅擴散，但根據過往經驗，除非能迅速研發出新藥物及療法，否則具抗藥性的病菌往往能快速擴散。

據美國疾病預防中心建議，現時治療淋病的抗生素為Cefixime及Azithromycin。中心並指美國全國約有70萬人感染淋病。美國國立衛生研究院表示淋病可經任何性接觸傳播，擁有多名性伴侶及進行不安全性行為的人士為高危群體。

皮膚專科醫生史泰祖指出，在港因淋病求診的病人數字遠較10年前少，相對其他類型性病已較容易處理。他又稱，對抗淋病應以預防為主，建議使用安全套及避免濫交。

Is there a non-drug way to improve male sexual function?

I like yoga, but I didn't realise it has this effect!

In this study, the male sexual function improved after a Yoga camp. It would be interesting when more research is done!

Best Regards,

Lilac

...

Is there a non-drug way to improve male sexual function?
Barking up the wrong tree

Introduction. Yoga is practiced both in developing and developed countries. Many patients and yoga protagonists claim that it is useful in improving sexual functions and treating sexual disorders.

Aim. We wanted to study the effect of yoga on male sexual functioning.

Methods. We studied 65 males (age range = 24–60 years, average age = 40 ± 8.26 years) who were enrolled in a yoga camp and administered a known questionnaire, i.e., Male Sexual Quotient (MSQ) before and after 12 weeks session of yoga.

Main Outcome Measures. MSQ scores before and after yoga sessions.

Results. It was found that after the completion of yoga sessions, the sexual functions scores were significantly improved (P < 0.0001). The improvement occurred in scores of all the domains of sexual functions as studied by MSQ (desire, intercourse satisfaction, performance, confidence, partner synchronization, erection, ejaculatory control, orgasm).

Conclusions. Yoga appears to be an effective method of improving all domains of sexual functions in men as studied by MSQ.

Source: "Yoga in Male Sexual Functioning: A Noncompararive Pilot Study", The Journal of Sexual Medicine, Volume 7, Issue 10, pages 3460–3466, October 2010

Sex and couple relationship: from attachment theory perspective

People form their perspective of self and interpersonal relationship when the grow up. If young children didn't feel safe in the environment, for example there's no a secure figure (a father or a mother) to protect them and response to their needs, then the children would become very anxious and act out like throwing temper, didn't want to engage with people or avoid people.

The carer may not able to provide a solid secure caring to the children if they already feel insecure in the relationship, for example, they could be overwhelmed by their own emotions, or they don't know how to settle down a crying baby because he/she has lack of experience to deal with it.

I wanna address that the insecure feeling in relationship could be transferred from one generation to the next generation. And it affects the quality if intimate relationship and sexual satisfaction.

Thus, for the sake of their well-being, early intervention is suitable for the couple or family before a huge problem is formed and harm is done.

Best Regards,

Lilac

...

Healthcare Prof:

People who feel secure in in their relationship with their partner have a more satisfactory sex life and are more able to be sensitive in the affection they give. However, people who are insecure, who tend towards
anxiety or avoidance and are compulsive or controlling in their affection experience more conflict in their sexual desire and are less happy in their relationships, according to a study by the University of the Basque Country.

"Our results show that insecure people (anxious-ambivalent) tend to be compulsive in their care for their partners, while people prone to avoidance tend to be controlling and to exhibit greater conflict in their sexual desire", Javier Gómez Zapiain, a professor of the psychology of sexuality at the University of the Basque Country and lead author of the study, tells SINC.

Gómez Zapiain's research group studied the level of conflict in people's erotic desire, their degree of satisfaction with their sexual life and other factors related with sexual behaviour and care, based on a sample of 211 long-term couples in the Basque Country. They distributed individual questionnaires at random among various groups of professionals from the education, healthcare, public services and private business sectors.

"The objective of this study was to study the relationship between three essential relationships in human conduct sexual, affective and caring behaviour. We tried to obtain empirical evidence that harmony between these three systems contributes to the quality of a couple's relationship", explains Gómez Zapiain.

The respondents were divided into two large groups according to their affective model secure and insecure. The insecure people were then subdivided into anxious and ambivalent types.

"Anxious people react by clinging to their partner and caring for them compulsively, while avoidant types react by evading their relationship. Their philosophy is that 'it's better not to have than to have and to lose'. These people also have more problems in the area of intimacy", the researcher explains.

Out of all the respondents, 116 were women and 95 men, aged between 20 and 65, with an average age of 37.36. Some 44.3% of these people were single, while 46.7% were married, 4.9% in a relationship and 4.1% divorced. Out of the sample, 88.7% described themselves as heterosexual, 5.6% homosexual and 5.6% bisexual.

Out of the whole sample, 89.5% had a stable partner at the time of the study, with the average length of their relationships being 13.52 years. "It was very important for us that the people taking part should have an affective bond within a couple that had existed stably for a minimum period of time", adds Gómez Zapiain.

The most conflict-ridden couples anxious vs. avoidant

The combination of different styles of affection in a couple can explain the degree of conflict within it. "Each partner must have the ability to support the other when they are feeling down and need emotional support. Similarly, they must be able to place themselves in what we call a 'position of dependency', in other words they must be able to recognise their own need for support and to express this in times of anxiety", the expert explains.

An individual who is psychologically healthy can change flexibly from one position to another. The experts hypothesise that people who display security in their affection are able to do this, but that insecure types (anxious-ambivalent or avoidant) are clearly incapable.

"It is very interesting, from the perspective of a couple, to see how styles of affection combine within the relationship. The most explosive combination occurs when one of the partners in the couple is anxious and the other avoidant. This combination has more likelihood of ending up with the couple seeking help, or even breaking up", says Gómez Zapiain.

Sources: Plataforma SINC, AlphaGalileo Foundation.

Placebo effect on treating female sexual dysfunction

Lack of sexual arouse would be common amount female, and it was so-called sexual arousal dysfunction. But actually it would be caused by psychological issues rather then physical difficult.

Psychological issues like:

1. Bad experience: pain of vagina intercourse, lack of replay, sexual transmitted sickness, etc.

2. Emotional unavailable: work stress, dual-role like family carer and a full time worker usually took a lot of energy.

3. Value of sexuality: pregnancy, family plan, enjoyment vs practical purpose. The need of sexual life in the relationship.

4. Quality of intimate relationship: argument, fight and cold-war would affect quality of life, and sexual life would be affected as well.

5. Lack of practise: it takes time to get back to a normal sex life if there was a no-sexual-period occurred. Stress of performance.

So, if a woman is ready to take action on any type of sexual dysfunction, then it may mean the attitude is more positive and having a more supportive relationship. Maybe she would carry less psychological stress. Thus, placebo may show the effective to the person.

Counselling can help to address and overcome these psychological stress, it is a treatment option for people to choose.

....
Is there an over the counter drug that successfully treats female sexual dysfunction?

Introduction. In clinical trials of drug treatments for women's sexual dysfunction, placebo responses have often been substantial. However, little is known about the clinical significance, specificity, predictors, and potential mechanisms of placebo response in sexual dysfunction.

Results. The magnitude of change at post-treatment was clinically significant in approximately one-third of placebo recipients. Effect sizes were similar across multiple aspects of sexual function. Symptom improvement was strongly related to the frequency of satisfying sexual encounters during treatment. However, the relationship between sexual encounter frequency and outcome varied significantly between participants.

Conclusions. A substantial number of women experienced clinically significant improvement in sexual function during treatment with placebo. Changes in sexual behavior during the trial, more so than participant age or symptom severity at baseline, appeared to be an important determinant of outcome. Contextual and procedural aspects of the clinical trial may have influenced outcomes in the absence of an active drug treatment.

Source: "Behavior and Symptom Change Among Women Treated with Placebo for Sexual Dysfunction" from The Journal of Sexual Medicine, Volume 8, Issue 1, pages 191–201, January 2011

Sex vs. Religious

Here is an interesting findings in America about sex and religious, can obtain the report from the link.

What catch my eyes? 1. More effective sex education 2. Sex guilt plays a very important role which affecting the psychological mindset in some sexual dysfunctions.

I'm not a religious person, but I understand the discomfort about providing proper sexuality education to your children. We always have a hidden agenda, if that's my kid, I already have an expectation or hope of his/her future. I know it's not entirely up to me, but I can influence him/her.

Hard part could be gender role, sexual hygiene (eg. Safer sex, STD, pregnancy), intimated relationship (eg. Forming partnership) or sexual orientation (eg. Homosexual, bisexual, or heterosexual). These parts are hard, it's not only because it may have conflicts with the religious or personal values, but also imply that the children are leaving home and have their own control of their life.

I'm sure a lot of sex therapists have encountered clients carry strong sense of guilty feeling about sex, sexual orientation, gender, etc. at the early stage of the therapy, they have strong beliefs which are not very helpful in his/her situation, also affecting the relationship and self-image.

Hope people are suffering can obtain suitable professional helps.

Lilac Kamiya
*****

Study Results:

1. Sex improves dramatically after leaving religion.

2. Sexual guilt has little staying power after leaving religion.

3. Those raised most religious show no difference from those raised least religious in their sexual behavior.

4. Those raised most religious experience far more guilt but have just as much sex.

5. Religious parents are far worse at educating their children on matters of sex.

6. Religious guilt differs in measurable amounts according to denomination.

Hypotheses:

1. Religions' use of sexual guilt is measurably greater in conservative religions and less in liberal ones.

2. People feel the sexual guilt taught by their religion but sexual behavior shows no difference from those with less guilt.

3. Religiously conservative parents will be less effective at teaching their children about sex than more secular parents.

4. Children raised in highly religious homes will receive poorer sexual education.

5. Leaving religion has a positive impact on sexual satisfaction.

6. Religion has continuing negative consequences on individuals after they leave.

****
Source: can find the study there.
http://www.google.com/gwt/x?source=reader&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.medicalnewstoday.com%2Farticles%2F226480.php

My wife talks about our intimate relationship

Would you worry about when your wife starts talking about your intimate relationship with friends?

Firstly I want to know she is talking to a girlfriend or a boyfriend! I would feel much more secure if she is talking with girlfriends, or my jealous would start working without my approval! But maybe I would be a bit nervous about how would those girls think about me, am I good enough, am I a successful man. That's my man-hood image I would worry about!

I would like to know is it any complain about me, or is there any appreciation when she is proud of our relationship? or even a suggestion to make our life better? Then I would worry about why she doesn't talk to me but talk to a friend instead.

I need to make her feel comfortable enough to talk about the good OR bad thing about us to me, hopefully in a very calm and relax atmosphere.

What make home life worse?

In Chinese, there's a phase 'couple with financial problems usually encounter all kind of bad things (贫賤夫妻百事哀)'
Financial crisis gives huge and bad impact on family and relationship, hard to survive except the couple has very strong EQ. It's so many technical things to handle, very exhausting, can drag all your positive energy away when you see no hope.
Maybe creating hope and adjusting is a way out!
Good luck and good health.

Regards,
Lilac Kamiya
.....
Unhappy families – Britain ranks third worst in Europe for home life
by Emma Hilton
The Relationships Foundation has released details of a large study revealing that rising levels of debt, poverty and long unsocial working hours means Britain ranks among the worst countries in Europe for families.
The Family Pressure Gauge report found that money worries, poor living conditions and a lack of support from parents all played a part in British families being among the most pressured in Europe, with one in every five families struggling to break even.
Additional significant findings from the report included the following:
-14 per cent of families in the UK are suffering from 'critical' debt levels compared to 1 per cent of Swedish, Finnish and Norwegian households.
-Almost one quarter of the average UK working family's income is spent on childcare costs. This is double the amount french families spend and three times more than German families spend.
-One in seven families use over 40 per cent of their income to pay their rent or mortgage.
-Britain is the second worst country in Europe for giving maternity and paternity leave.
-One in 20 families are living in what is considered to be 'severe housing deprivation', overcrowded houses which are in poor condition such as without a toilet. This is a significantly higher amount than in other European countries and is notably 12 times more than in the Netherlands.
The report paints a picture of how British families are coping in comparison to 26 other European countries and is based on the analysis of 25 key factors including pressures of money, parenting, living conditions and work.
The report highlights that very little has been done since the Childhood and Families task force was set up last June and executive director of the Relationships Foundation, Michael Trend, has said that the Government really needs to get its act together on family policy.

A little secret: Punishment

Have you ever get angry with your husband? The anger is not strong enough to form a fight but you would like to punish in by not having sex with him.

I heard similar idea from different women, they found that it's a way to show their power. In a way, it sounds similar to chasing-escaping. If you think the chasing one has the power to start a fight, be criticising, throw the anger, etc. But the one who being silence is the most power weapon.

Of cause the relationship would be rotten if you let it be for long enough.

The secret recipe of the punishment is don't let your spouse know that you're punishing him (or her, of course). Maybe you have a bad day, feel tired, not in the mood, or whatsoever, so that you don't want to have sex with him (or her, of course, again). Have a hug to show that you're there, but you don't want to be too close.

In a way, you have more time and capacity to think about what was going on, what you were angry at. Girls & boys, you need space to take care of your emotions, and you have choice to handle it. Try not to make it worst if you have a chance to make it better. We know that some anger would just go away, and you learn how to handle the situation better when it happens again.

Regards,

Lilac Kamiya

Ps.
Maybe some say 'punishment' is too negative, but it's so natural in our human being. And realistically, we can't behave perfect all the time.

More love birds!

Is it a message about seeing more love birds? Someone loves it and someone hate it! I would be the someone who love it!

I like seeing love around me. But for those dislike it, maybe seeing love reminds them discomfort about love or being loved. Usually they may be hurt before and scare is still there. It bleeds every time when you touch it.

Lilac Kamiya

Love birds

When seeing couple in love, I like seeing their eyes are sparkling, their smile is so sweet and charming, their body language is saying where'sre only two of us in the world.

It's nice to see because I'm always interested in body language, it tells a lot! Of cause, I also need some imagination and basic understanding of human behaviours.

So how would the love birds connect to the reality? Once they realise they are not in their room but in a bus instead. It's sad, isn't?

How come our society doesn't have much space for love birds? I heard that there's a country allow people having sex in park (maybe only at night), but all the things they have to do is 'keeping the park clean!'

It seems good but I worry about the noise point of view.

Lilac Kamiya

Signal from a guy

As a woman, how would you know when a man is signaling you? Blinking his eye at you? Showing his charming smile? Making you laugh?

In this study, it says men would donate more money to charity when a potential female is observing. This is one of many ways to get attention from females, or showing the best look!

It sounds like a warning to me! It means I shouldn't 100% believe what I've seen!

.......

Are men more generous to charities when women are watching?

We examined people's charity contributions while in the presence of an observer of the same sex, opposite sex, or no observer. Inspired by costly signaling theory, we hypothesized that men would be more generous in the presence of a potential mate. Men and women played a number of experimental games in which they could earn money. On completion of these games participants were asked what percentage of their earned money they would be willing to donate to charity. Our results show that men contribute more to charity when observed by a member of the opposite sex than by a member of the same sex or no observer. Conversely, female charity donations did not significantly vary across the three observer conditions. Findings support the notion that men's generosity might have evolved as a mating signal.

Source: "Showing Off in Humans: Male Generosity as a Mating Signal" from Evolutionary Psychology

Good news: IVF multiple birth rate drops

It's safer for the pregnant mom, and a better family plan.

Lilac Kamiya

....

IVF multiple birth rate drops

Number of IVF twins and triplets falls in line with targets as women are encouraged to have only one embryo implanted

Ian Sample
The Guardian, Friday 13 May 2011

Birth rates for IVF twins and triplets have begun to fall in line with government targets aimed at reducing health risks caused by multiple pregnancies.

The drop reflects guidelines brought in by the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority
(HFEA) that urged UK fertility clinics to limit multiple births to no more than 24% in 2009/10.

Women who carry more than one child have a greater risk of miscarriage and medical complications, including anaemia, haemorrhages and high blood pressure. The babies are also at risk of serious health problems, with twins four times more likely to be born with cerebral palsy than a single baby.

The proportion of multiple births after fertility treatment edged down from 23.6% to 22% between 2008 and the first six months of 2009, according to the latest figures from the HFEA.

Fertility clinics are reducing multiple birth rates by encouraging women to have only one embryo implanted at a time. The rest of their embryos are usually frozen and stored for use later on.

The move towards single embryo transfer raises the upfront costs for couples who have to pay clinics to have stored embryos implanted when they want another baby. Lisa Jardine, chair of the HFEA, said the regulator was "extremely close" to an agreement with the Department of Health that would waive the authority's fee of £104 for this second round of treatment. The cost of standard IVF treatment can be £3,500.

The HFEA says that fertility clinics must bring down multiple birth rates to no more than 15%. The regulator aims ultimately to cut twin and triplet babies to 10% of all IVF births.

"A multiple birth is the single highest risk to the success of pregnancy, the health of the child and the health of the mother," Jardine said. Among naturally-conceived babies, only around one in 70 is a twin. The fall in multiple pregnancies and births follows a rise in women who opted to have one embryo implanted at a time, from 4.8% in 2008 to 14.7% in the first half of 2010. The shift had no apparent effect on overall pregnancy rates, which stood at 31.3% over the same period.

Helen Richens, policy manager at the HFEA, said: "Using single embryo transfer can virtually eliminate the risk of multiple births."

A fall in multiple pregnancies is expected to produce significant savings for the NHS in prenatal care and medical support for mothers and babies.

A study in 2006 by the Centre for Reproductive Medicine and Fertility in Sheffield

reported that monitoring and care costs rose from £3,313 for a singleton pregnancy to £9,122 for twins and £32,354 for triplets.

A previous study, published by a Dutch group in 2004, found that the cost of a twin pregnancy up to six weeks after delivery was more than five times higher than a singleton pregnancy.

High heels and Sex

Some guys find high heels are very sexy, they also may like the shape of the leg, ankle, or toes, etc. They get turn on by seeing this? Or are they having too much imagination?

These imaginations are our fantasy, and sexual fantasy plays an important role in our sexuality health.

Unfortunately, there's a lit of myths about sexual fantasy, such as it's dirty, only guys have it, it's evil, good people won't have such thoughts, its equally bad as sexual harassment, it will turn into 'bad action', it's ....

Actually, sexual fantasy is a very personal thing which you don't need to share with others, even your partner. Of course, sharing can be very healthy when it is not judgmental, causing guilty feeling or leading to inappropriate act.

Some couples share their experience about cross-playing, since one of them has a 'uniform' fantasy, one day, the spouse wanted to bring him a surprise. By looking for proper costumes and props, to make-up, setting up the bed room nicely, sending the kids to participate some activities somewhere.

It's a perfect and unusual sexual experience for this couple, and the partner really appreciates the effort she has made. The most important thing is 'she is really care about me.'

How about her response? She first heard her partner's fantasy, she thought it's silly. Just before his birthday, she thought it would be good to bring him some surprises, then, this mission begins.

She thinks his fantasy is ok and harmless, of cause, she may not bring him a surprise if she doesn't feel comfortable with it. I think that's fair enough. She didn't feel like that would become her permanent role in their relationship. After this, she found her partner would pay more attention to her sexual needs as well.

Lilac Kamiya

Give me luck! Be Positive

It's so true! Meeting our Mr. or Ms. Right in the right time, and at the right place. We are not always available and we are not always attractive!

We would be more lovable sometimes than another time! We may keep others distanced when we are not aware of. We may overly self-protect when we feel unsecured.

These kinds of thing may come and go, it affects our inter-personal relationship. And it also takes time to overcome!

Lilac

Does having more options increase sexual satisfaction or marriage quality?

The study told us Yes! Less options can increase sexual satisfaction or marriage quality. It may sound bad for some of us because the quality of sex it relationship SHOULD be controlled by our will and no by our chance. It is true, but as a marital counsellor, I think helping the client to face the reality and having more realistic expectation are very important too!

Let's think about how did we form our expectation of our marriage when we were young.
1. Observe our parents
2. 'Happy ever after' story
3. Romance film/song/drama/etc.
4. Heard from friends

We learnt to behave and expect in a relationship. In a committed relationship, your partner may not observe the same parents, or read the same story. So basically, you two would carry two different frameworks into your marriage and intimacy. Arguments come up? Yes, but it doesn't matter because we always learn to make our relationship better.

When we are mature, we start analysing the preset data of intimacy. How much we should follow and how much we should put it down if it doesn't make sense in this relationship. Sometimes, people would get stuck in this part when they come to see me.

If we think we have options, then what on earth that we put so much effort to face the problems and make some changes? When they come to see me, it's already shown their preference- keeping the relationship!

Thus, helping them to clarify their myths about intimacy is an important but time consuming. The couple can find smile and tears through the process. There's not change yet, only when the couple is willing to change for each other.

Leading the couple from their existing less good cycle into a healthier cycle would be the ongoing goal in the counselling.

How about for those don't want to maintain the relationship, seek for individual counselling and clarify their own issue on relationship. It can help you being more realistic about yourself, then it would be easier to make a proper decision.

Lilac Kamiya

...
Does having more options increase sexual satisfaction or marriage quality?

The goal for this project was to examine the manner in which husbands' and wives' sexual satisfaction was related to their perceptions of the availability of alternative partners and overall marital quality. Participants were 470 newlywed African American couples residing in the southern region of the United States. Path analysis was used to simultaneously examine actor (individuals' sexual satisfaction on their own outcomes) and partner (individuals' sexual satisfaction on their partners' outcomes) effects. Wives' and husbands' sexual satisfaction was strongly and positively associated with their own reports of marital quality, although it was not associated with their partners' reports of marital quality. For both wives and husbands, higher sexual satisfaction was associated with lowered perceptions that they would be able to find other acceptable partners should their current relationship end. Perceived availability of alternative partners was, in turn, negatively associated with reports of marital quality.

Source: "Sexual Satisfaction, Perceived Availability of Alternative Partners, and Marital Quality in Newlywed African American Couples" from Journal of Sex Research