The intimate relationship is for the couple only, which includes where to live, holidays, what to do, life style, family planning, etc. However, the relationship may get attention of the extended family when it involves family duty.
Different culture has different idea about family duty and how much it got involved, unfortunately, family planning also falls into this area. Others would keep track on you whenever you've done the 'right' thing within the 'right' time with the 'right' person! When to get married? Or just living together? Partner is same/different race, social status? Having children or not? When to have kids? Etc.
The couple should form a brief agreement about how much influence the couple can accept, and then more indepth discussion is needed when the issue cones up.
Usually it's easier for the spouse to refuse the influence to the inlaws, and somebody will be trapped between the spouse and extended family. The emotional disturbance is expected, continuous encouragement and support are needed, active listening would be useful too! This process can help the couple staying together strong!
If the issue disturbs you too much, create a time-out for you, not being reached and take a rest! Reject the phone calls when you don't feel like talking to certain people. It's an indirect message to reject the unwanted contacts.
Have a discussion on the issue with the extended family may not very useful, specially when things relate to family duty or living in someone expectation. Because it has a lot of core values which are not possible to be changed/convinced easily! But then the negative emotions would come afterwards!
But showing your respect and caring to the larger family which would be useful to maintain the relationship in a minimum troublesome way.
- Lilac
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