My husband's into rubber and now he's joined a fetish club

It would be interesting to have a self-exploration about: Why you have negative feeling to fetish for rubber clothing?

Saying this has no implication to 'you have to accept'.

It's easy for us to identify normal sex and abnormal sex, and usually implying normal sex is good but abnormal sex is bad. But shall we challenge our believe a bit? What made us have this kind of thinking?

1. Enjoyable vs. Practical sex.
Sex was seen as a way to extend the family line by having more babies. However, people see it as a way to enrich the intimate life or solely enjoyment towards sex.

2. Natural vs. in-natural way.
People believe our body is only design for virginal penetration sex because it can produce baby (again), but oral sex was bad and anal sex was worst in the past. Nowadays, oral sex became acceptable but anal sex is still not common.

3. Sexual fantasy.
We would dream about things and our dream can give us hope and happiness, same as sexual fantasy. Some people have daydream and some don't, same as sexual fantasy.

4. Bring the sexual fantasy into action.
If someone could put a lot of effort to make the dream comes true, then why's bad when people fetish?

Semi-conclusion is 'sex is so special and it's different from anything else!' this thought leads double standard and unfair judgement on sex.

Or we worried about being different or unusual? Or we worried about the manhood or womanhood would be taken away if we accept fetish? Or we feel unsafe if we need to pretend when we are having sex?

If we also see sex is a game with fun and enjoyment, then maybe we can accept different idea.

- Lilac

....
My husband's into rubber and now he's joined a fetish club
by Pamela Stephenson Connolly

It makes sense for him to fulfil his fantasies with like-minded people. In fact, why don't you go with him, says Pamela Stephenson-Connolly

Before we married my husband told me he had a fetish for rubber clothing. He says this enhances his enjoyment of sex in the same way my vibrator enhances my sexual pleasure. I'm not enthusiastic about wearing rubber but indulge him once in a while. He recently contacted a rubber society and has spent evenings there. They have dinner and nothing goes on other than that they wear conventional clothes, but made of latex. I'm very unhappy about this development – what should I do?

Let your husband enjoy his fetish. Since you don't like wearing latex it makes sense that he should fulfil that fantasy in a club. However, it's important that you reach agreement about what role his club activities plays in your lives. Negotiate factors such as frequency of attendance, and which sexual behaviours are acceptable (in some fetish clubs there are events where sexual expression could range from public masturbation to group sex). I'm not suggesting that your husband is deceiving you – but new club members aren't always aware of the erotic potential, or the opportunity for networking with more edgy societies.

However, fetish clubs usually provide wonderful support and information for members, as well as fun and opportunities for "play". You would do well to go along, if only to learn more about who, in the erotic sense, your husband really is.

• Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.