How to balance between parenting and "coupling"

Christine Au-Yeung, a fashion model, became a fulltime mother now with a 4-year-old and a 21-month-old boys. She shared in a newspaper interview (http://hk.news.yahoo.com/article/091024/3/eujr.html) about parenting. I appreciate that she puts a lot of effort to help the children to path their own interest and explore their talent. Also, she spends time and talks with them, she hopes if they have a habbit to tell her something, they might tell her their struggles in the future.

I think it's a kind thought as a mother, listening to the child is a piece of art (we can talk about it later). But, how can we listen to them but not giving them a lecture? How can we control ourselves (as a mother) not to be to directive? The most important thing is we keep our mind clear about "why we want to talk/listen to the kid NOW". It could be giving instruction, it could be relating, it could be caring, etc... Children always know mother's role, sometimes is roling and sometimes is caring. So, we don't need to be very "friendly" all the time, they knew it too! When you observe your kids, they behave strangely when they did something wrong. It's all built in inside us.

But there's something more important for the kids to learn from us. It is how we relate to the husband or a partner. Because they need to learn the difference between mother-child and mother-father, for example. As an adult, we know adult-adult and adult-child relationships are different, maybe we don't know. In adult-adult relationship, the way to interact is changing over time. Actually, same as adult-child relationship. We can focus on the change of the relationship later.

I want to stress on the key about letting the children learn the difference because in my clinical practise, I see many families, their children were in a superior position, for example the whole family schedule needs to work around for them, their preference determines the choice of parents. Unfortunately, usually the father's voice became less important.

As a mother, we may need to remind ourselves that we have dual role after we have children, as a mother, and a wife as well. Playing 2 roles in a balance way would help having both relationships because they are interelated. If the kid can see his/her mother can also be a nice wife/partner, they learn and they grow up. I would love to see when Christine Au-Yeung spends half an hour with the son everyday, she also would spend some time with the husband as well. I don't want to make the mother too busy, but think about the intention.

If kids only know one way to relate to people, only the mother-kid one, then how can they relate with other kids, teachers, maid, etc.? Do you want to see them became too bossy among kids or always being a scapegoat?

We want them to learn being humbble, strong, etc. in different situation. Also, we want them know when to do it.

I hope all the families enjoy their life. Happy Sunday.