Am I watching too much porn?

Using porn is very common among single or even a person in a relationship. it's full of sexual fantasy, and giving you a lot of control in your fantasy.

However, the downside is when the fantasy is so private and unrealistic, you would enjoy being yourself instead of engaging into a relationship. The fact is relationship is more like a 2-way-track, but using porn is more or less a 1-way-track.

If you only can deal with the porn, the real relation would become too complicated for you.

If you find it's what happening to you and it's affecting your daily life, seek for professional help and don't hesitate.

Best Regards,

Lilac

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Am I watching too much porn?
by Pamela Stephenson Connolly

I think what you are really worried about is your erotic style, advises Pamela Stephenson Connolly

I'm 35, recently single, but meeting new people for sex and also to see if any of that leads anywhere with someone nice. I use porn daily, mainly to look at things I don't do in my sex life, but possibly would like to try with the right person. Nothing very extreme, but certainly not things I'd want found on my hard drive should I get hit by a bus. Apart from spending 40 minutes a day watching porn it's not affecting any other aspect of my life; if I'm busy with other things I don't miss it. But is there such a thing as too much?

For you, "too much" seems less of an issue than the fact that you seem conflicted about your erotic style. You indicate that sex is more important to you than having a settled relationship, and that you use sex as a means of connecting with others, but there is some wistfulness in your words.

You are strongly focused on "different" types of play, but it seems you do not hold out much hope that you will ever find someone "nice" with similar sexual tastes. However, if what takes your fancy is safe, sane and consensual, you could reasonably expect there will be a like-minded partner for you who is also a decent person. Human beings are multifaceted and a wonderfully wicked erotic sensibility can lurk behind the most wholesome personality.

The trick is to accept your own sexual desires and regard anyone who shares them as also worthy of your respect – perhaps even of your love.

• Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.