Does having more options increase sexual satisfaction or marriage quality?

The study told us Yes! Less options can increase sexual satisfaction or marriage quality. It may sound bad for some of us because the quality of sex it relationship SHOULD be controlled by our will and no by our chance. It is true, but as a marital counsellor, I think helping the client to face the reality and having more realistic expectation are very important too!

Let's think about how did we form our expectation of our marriage when we were young.
1. Observe our parents
2. 'Happy ever after' story
3. Romance film/song/drama/etc.
4. Heard from friends

We learnt to behave and expect in a relationship. In a committed relationship, your partner may not observe the same parents, or read the same story. So basically, you two would carry two different frameworks into your marriage and intimacy. Arguments come up? Yes, but it doesn't matter because we always learn to make our relationship better.

When we are mature, we start analysing the preset data of intimacy. How much we should follow and how much we should put it down if it doesn't make sense in this relationship. Sometimes, people would get stuck in this part when they come to see me.

If we think we have options, then what on earth that we put so much effort to face the problems and make some changes? When they come to see me, it's already shown their preference- keeping the relationship!

Thus, helping them to clarify their myths about intimacy is an important but time consuming. The couple can find smile and tears through the process. There's not change yet, only when the couple is willing to change for each other.

Leading the couple from their existing less good cycle into a healthier cycle would be the ongoing goal in the counselling.

How about for those don't want to maintain the relationship, seek for individual counselling and clarify their own issue on relationship. It can help you being more realistic about yourself, then it would be easier to make a proper decision.

Lilac Kamiya

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Does having more options increase sexual satisfaction or marriage quality?

The goal for this project was to examine the manner in which husbands' and wives' sexual satisfaction was related to their perceptions of the availability of alternative partners and overall marital quality. Participants were 470 newlywed African American couples residing in the southern region of the United States. Path analysis was used to simultaneously examine actor (individuals' sexual satisfaction on their own outcomes) and partner (individuals' sexual satisfaction on their partners' outcomes) effects. Wives' and husbands' sexual satisfaction was strongly and positively associated with their own reports of marital quality, although it was not associated with their partners' reports of marital quality. For both wives and husbands, higher sexual satisfaction was associated with lowered perceptions that they would be able to find other acceptable partners should their current relationship end. Perceived availability of alternative partners was, in turn, negatively associated with reports of marital quality.

Source: "Sexual Satisfaction, Perceived Availability of Alternative Partners, and Marital Quality in Newlywed African American Couples" from Journal of Sex Research