Need Justice in Your Relationship?

When you hear complaints , what would you do? We usually hear complaints in people's relationship, think about what's your usual response.

At the beginning...
1. Listen
2. Provide comfort words

Later on...
3. Provide suggestions

Much later...
4. Shut down the listening part

At the end of cycle, nothing get changed, and the person doesn't get the things he/she wants from the conversation.

Let's have a look from the other side to understand what's people need when they are unhappy with something in a relationship.

Usually it's a process of grieving when you are losing happiness in the relationship, at first, you may get shocked by the bad news or discomfort, then you have awhile of denial, being angry and bargaining and hope the bad things would go away. Later on when you able to accept the 'truth' or 'reality', then you would use your way to cope, such as ignoring, hiding, facing up, etc. which depends on you and your partner's personality, upbringing and interacting pattern.

There are a lot of emotions around during the grieving process when you are losing your happiness of your relationship. Getting friends to talk to is a way to express the negative emotions and look for solutions. But sometimes, they just need the friends echo and agree with their way of handling things and how bad of the partner is.

Actually, the person has the judgement already, but able to share the viewpoint is different because it means the thought is sensible and also it's on the right track. But how about you try to expend the perspective from a different angle? People may not like it because it means there are more than one answer, and it also means that 'you could be wrong!' How could a confused person accept no definite answer or telling them they could be wrong?

When way to understand thing could be very diverse anyway, there's no single answer or solution when problem comes up. People already form their way of thinking subconsciously which depends on their advantage and gain.

Taking affair as an example, it's rare to think 'I'm not good enough!' A common version is 'he/she cheats!' Less common one is 'our relationship goes sour.'

Thus, the common judgement is 'He/she is bad', and the rare one is 'I did wrong'. So, people can do their judgement already. However, if people really want to know, please put down your pre-judgement.

What you need is to understand and learn from it but not a justice in relationship!

- Lilac