1. Be honest: have a chance to talk openly with blaming.
2. Guidance: show him/her how to make you more comfortable and excited during sex.
3. Appreciation: with words, kisses and hugs to show him/her how much you like it.
4. Self-confidence: work can't replace sex, you are still attractive!
- Lilac
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My partner prefers emails to sex
by Pamela Stephenson Connolly
Sex with my partner is rare and unsatisfying. What really hurts is that he checks his emails just before and immediately afterwards
My relationship with my partner is loving and supportive. However he is a workaholic academic who finds little time for intimacy, and when he does he usually discusses his work (which bores me). We rarely have sex, and when we do, it's quick and he doesn't try to, or know, how to satisfy me. But he truly believes he's a great lover and I don't want to hurt his ego. The thing that really hurts is that he checks his emails just before and immediately after we have intercourse (we have to leave his laptop on in the bedroom overnight). I thought it was our libido declining over five years, but recently I'm wondering if this might be an issue?
I'm not surprised that you're questioning the level of attention you are receiving. Like many busy people he is scheduling sex as a chore to be completed quickly and efficiently, which is clearly not what you want. You will have to let him know this is not your preferred intimacy style or the situation will never improve. Ask yourself why you've put up with unsatisfying sex for five years – you deserve better. You're being overly protective of his ego. Tell him what you enjoy about your partnership, then express your true feelings (without blame) and ask for exactly what you need. A good lover recognises that each individual has unique desires and preferences, and learns to give and receive pleasure. It's not nice to feel sandwiched between emails.
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